‘And that’s the alt-truth!’: 
​Edith Ann vs Kellyanne

Sources say the Trump White House has approached comedienne Lily Tomlin about replacing Kellyanne Conway as its chief spin doctor.

The President would like Tomlin to reprise her 1970s Laugh-In role as Edith Ann, the precocious youngster who ended her fanciful prattling atop an oversized rocking chair with “And that’s the truth,” punctuated by a loud raspberry.

Kellyanne has come under fire recently for offering “alternative facts”to the obvious truth that fewer people attended Trump’s inauguration than either one of President Obama’s. Trump is still fuming.

“If I say something is true, there should be no argument,” sources quote him as saying. “I want someone who will give a raspberry to anyone who dares dispute what I see as reality. Edith Ann impresses me as such a person.”

Sources say Trump first saw Edith Ann on TV in 1969. “If she was 5-and-a-half then, she’s 53-and-a-half now,” the president calculates. That’s not far off the age of Kellyanne, 50.

He doesn’t have a current photo of Edith Ann to go by, but Trump is quoted as saying, “If the FBI still has the team of beauty consultants that worked on Agent Hart in Miss Congeniality, they may be able to make Edith Ann look enough like Kelly Ann that even I wouldn’t notice. Nice.”

Kellyanne has not been available for comment. Press Secretary Sean Spicer says, “The President has a long-held belief that Edith Ann is a real person.”

Edith Ann says: “Acting childish seems to come naturally, but acting like an adult, no matter how old we are, just doesn’t come easy to us.”

Lily Tomlin has said: “No matter how cynical you become, it’s never enough to keep up.”
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 Robert Douglas is a former union official and former business editor for The Palm Beach Post and Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel. You can contact him at RBDMedia@gmail.com, like him on RBDMedia.com on Facebook or follow him at RBDMediaDotCom on Twitter.