Guidelines for Americans coming to Canada if Donald Trump wins

It’s been on the news that Google searches for “How to move to Canada” spiked 1500% and the the Canadian Immigration Department website crashed because of increased traffic on Tuesday night. In response, I have provided a few ground rules for coming to Canada:

1. Leave your politics at the border. We don’t want them. Isn’t your messed up politics why you are leaving?

2. Leave your guns at the border as well.

2a. Don’t moan about our gun laws. We’re largely happy with them

3. We believe in evolution, climate change, and other scientific fact here. Facts aren’t up for debate, nor do they belong in the political arena (see #1).

4. Abortion is legal here, deal with it. For bringing it up in political debate, see #1

5. Crocs are not acceptable footwear to wear in public.

5a. Neither are any articles of clothing seen on “People of Wal-Mart”.

5b. Not even in Wal-Mart.

6. We drink real beer here, not whatever the hell you guys drink.

6a. Budweiser is not real beer.

6b. Neither is Coor’s

6c. Nope! Sam Adams isn’t either.

7. The Prime Minister is married (sorry ladies).

7a. Should he decide to get his Bill Clinton on, Canadian-born have first dibs.

8. We speak proper English here. It’s spelled “COLOUR” not “COLOR” and it’s pronounced “NUCLEAR” not “NUCULAR”.

9. We use the Metric system. Learn it. Use it.

10. We take off our shoes before going into somebody’s house.

Other than that, welcome to Canada, and enjoy your stay!

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