8 REASONS WHY NETFLIXS’ NEAL BRENNAN IS A PATHETIC HUMAN BEING

1) Narrow Shoulders-Now I’m not saying Neal Brennan is a coward. Keep in mind though, if you were to say Neal Brennan’s shoulders are not a symbol of cowardice, I would be remised not to challenge such an assertion. I’m sure the only Lat pulldown he’s done, is pulling his whitey tightys back down from their usual wedgy position. The only shoulder shrug he’s encountered, is when asked, “are you a real man? because you look like a transgender former lesbian.”

2) Glasses-I know what you may be thinking. Glasses jokes? What is this? Third grade? Honestly, I have legitimate sympathy for such sentiments. Mind you, I’m not ripping on the glasses wearing human population as a whole. However, I am ripping on Neal Brennan for wearing glasses. It’s not so much the glasses alone, it’s everything else he has going on with glasses being an addition to that. Look up beta male in the dictionary, if you don’t see a candid shot of Mr. Brennan in all his four eyed glory, I fear for the state of our English language.

3) Mentally Weak-As is foreshadowed by his narrow shoulders, Neal Brennan and adversity don’t exactly go together like peanut butter and jelly.

4) Physically weak-I’m willing to bet everything I own, the only time Neal has seen a weight room is when he took a physics class in liberal arts college.

5) Emotionally weak-If you’ve watched Neal Brennan’s breakout Netflix comedy special 3 mics, you’re aware of the emphasis Neal puts on “emotional stuff”. And if you haven’t seen 3 mics, congratulations.

6) Probably smells-Now I’d be lying if I said I’ve ever met Neal Brennan in person, thank god. However, it’s perfectly logical for the thought to arise, “How on earth could someone who stinks so much smell delicious?”

7) Crybaby-Probably established this under the emotionally weak reason, but really worth hammering down. Here’s a quote that I assume is from Neal, “Maybe if I’m honest about my imperfection (very generous choice of adjective) people will like me more.” If you haven’t seen 3 mics, the “emotional stuff” segment can be summed up as: My daddy wasn’t nice to me now I’m sad all the time. If I were a woman in the market for a mate, and the mere sight of Neal Brennan weren’t enough to evoke the classic, “there’s just no way this could work.” Not only would that make me a moral hero, after enduring Neal’s little openly dysfunctional tirade, my panties would indefinitely be as humid as the Nevada desert.

8) Generic Left-Wing Comedian #19,754-A comedian with outspoken left wing political views, where have we seen this before? ESPECIALLY from those exhibiting Neal Brennan’s features and characteristics. I don’t know what it is about the combination of pasty skin, narrow shoulders, glasses, physical unattractiveness, and a clear lack of testosterone that drives people so irretrievably far left of center. It’s safe to say Neal Brennan puts the L in cuck.