Sophie’s Love Letter

Pain and discomfort are my favorite ways to rip open amazing possibilities. Getting hurt, experiencing discomfort, or frustrations are somehow linked to real happiness. Your love of sudden extremes is similar. I think there are probably a million things I could write, so here I skillfully ignore 80%….and stick to the most important things.


First of all, I start with this idea, which you, as an art connoisseur and master piece might appreciate,

“Beauty needs a witness, beauty needs to be celebrated.“

My letter to you is a celebration of some of the sweetest parts of last year and earlier this year.

In those months, I loved seeing you. Seeing you fully. Seeing you where there was no need for words.

I loved those moments when it was just you and the moment.

“The best kind of kiss is the one that’s been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it ever reaches the lips.”

Like wine, the deeper connection between us sweetened the sharp taste of experiencing each other. It was indeed a sharp experience, especially for the unexperienced like me.

I did what felt right; I sough to minimize fear and remain valiant, brave, and see you ONLY in the light of beauty. Seeing you in the light of beauty was quite easy;

I LAUGHED when you confessed that you thought of yourself as a 6 out 10 physically.

“Real chemistry is rare, real love is rare, real support is rare, real friendship is rare, real is rare.”

The scariest part of beginning a grand adventure in romance is wondering if it will be worth it — —Will all these tender feelings and special memories we built with each other…fade away into the engulfing nothingness of the past?…. or vanish entirely tomorrow?…or worse…be taken for granted. Will this be a waste?

I want you to know that those 5 months were completely worth it on my end. They made me a better lover and sharper human being.

“If I feel good around this girl, then she’s is for me.”

I followed my intuition completely in pursuing you! What was going through my mind throughout our times together? Nothing, and everything!

Through the window of time for the months of october, november, december, january, and february of the year 2016–17, what a breath of fresh air you were!

In southern California, the air is THICK with the suffocating smog of people’s superficiality, hedonism, and lack of meaning for themselves or their communitties. No one carries the fire of Purpose! It makes me sick to see purposeless people living selfishly!

En el caso tuyo, mi querida ColdmausCinco, (In your case, my dear ColdMaus5)

I believe you are both really special because of who YOU are, and because of the unique circumstances of time we found ourselves in.

Romantically speaking, most of the experiences we had were very very new/unique to me, so you can imagine they certainly had a strong impact on me. I treasure the memories within, every now and then a song, or a walk, or the sun, or a shell, or an old blue mustangs convertible, or a flower will remind me.

Never feel that you were “not able to give yourself to me”, this is too dramatic, from the start, all I really really really wanted was your extra time(time) and your kiss(energy).

It is no secret, when you gave me MORE than that, I was incredibly elated and happy!

And when you denied me one or the other, I’ll admit, that hurt intensely.

So you actually gave me alot too!

Would I do something like this again now? hahahah, fuuuuuuckkk no. ;]

When we started, I felt that as long as I had alot to give, I had nothing to be afraid of.

As long as it felt good to look into your eyes — and really see you, get to know you, your thoughts, and your POWERFULLY passionate spirit…. we could safely continue.

By the 3rd or 4th time we met, I knew there was something there. I made the decision to find out what it was, who you were. I knew what I was getting into and I knew that I made the right decision when you decided to join me to LA that one night at Angel City Brewery.

Though time will absolutely change us, do not fear letting new feelings/memories emerge and letting old ones pass! Consider how art and entire cities made during the European Renaissance period actually become MORE valuable as Time moves each piece of art and city further and further away from when it was originally created.

Over time, I like to think these letters may also grow in value if we keep them.

I know you….It must be confusing to have all this energy and these intense desires within you all at once….. and frustrating to have to deal with cold people in a cold city and deal with asshole uni and crazy consulting hours…. but Sofia, I trust that if you are patient, diligent, and committed to your spiritual and professional development, the best things in life will continue to come your way. You are so capable and so competent. You’re already brilliant, wild, and primally beautiful.

You also have a really nice butt.

Whenever the time comes, please show me your Germany when I venture out there to visit you in the cold. The thought of visiting alone is very exciting.

I see flights to major cities in Europe and Germany that are cheap regularly.

I wonder when I’ll decide to go.

I believe that ultimately relationships are about mutual Appreciation, Enjoyment, and Giving. That is why, if you really do feel I Gave alot, it is probably because that is who I am with the people I really want in my life.

Today, I still get to Appreciate who you are to me, re-Enjoy our memories as I put these words together, and Give you this letter as a reminder. I am really sorry if it seemed that I did not care.

I cared too much.

Right now, there is a whole different world two people can step into secretly together if they connect intimately through each other’s eyes or their energy.

Looking into your eyes taught me this lesson of a lifetime.

We didn’t get to do mushrooms in Joshua tree, but for me just looking at you was close enough.

I knew this experience existed but I’m glad it was you I shared it with. To me the experiences we shared in just a few months represent a beautifully shaped brick in the palace of a life; a palace made from the good, the bad, the tragic, the beautiful, the painful, the challenging, the frustrating, the pleasurable, and truly sublime experiences that time and space continue to give.

Tomorrow, there is real hope to do more and share with each other in new, interesting, and exciting ways as friends or more. You occupy a special place in my mind and heart, you will for some time.

In our most intimate moments together, I was happy to recognize that you were choosing to share the BEST of you with me. During our time together, I wanted nothing else than that.

In all cases, with feverish flashes of emotion that strike as suddenly, abruptly, and intensely as Lightning, California and I miss you like you can’t believe,

With honest, affectionate, appreciative regard,

Ps.- my favorite memories with you were when you kissed me unexpectedly after I brought you the balloons on valentines day, or when you told me how free you felt the day you helped me pick up my glasses, or when you told me that I could read what you were thinking, showing you the Rising Cock of Success at the temple, dancing some sexy naked bachata, meeting you in that hilly park in LA and holding you there in my arms with the sun hitting our heads, or just looking at you in general with the sun hitting your happy golden head, or the cute voicemails you left me (hahaha), or the night of the full moon beach drum circle, or bringing you to my Uni for salsa, which was really exciting for me.

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