why i removed just about everyone from my life and i plan to remove more

when i was a kid, my mother was the only one who mattered until the introduction of my baby brother. i don’t reference father much because there isn’t much to reference or to speak of. i only have small moments in which i can recall being in his presence and of course his presence made my brother’s existence possible. the addition of another person, a little human, a sibling to me, a child to my mother. i remembered watching my mothers face dry up and tighten, almost pruning at the sound of the voice of my father. i remember watching her fists clench whenever he’d walk into the room but i also remember the smile that would spread across her face whenever it was just us and that smile would soon return as she welcomed the newest addition to our little emotionally fucked family.

this taught me two things. 1) someone’s presence, the right someone can create feelings of joy and relief. 2) the presence of the wrong person can create a sort of emotional conflict that can damage the soul. this was one of my first lessons in entertaining, holding onto and or letting go of people and the day my mother chose to leave my father also taught me the importance and power of leaving behind the people you’ve felt obligated to stay with or keep around. she left and for her, life got a little better and that persons absence in my life may have helped me get here, writing this to you with a clear understanding of why letting go can mean happiness on earth depending on the situation and depending on the person.

“ i let go and i found more of me.”

my mother taught me to let go, she showed me an example of how removing someone from your life could actually grant you some sort of relief but imagine the way i felt when letting go would mean removing my family and the people i thought to be friends…out of my life for what would possibly be for good. this wasn’t easy but nothing ever is but the weirdest thing happened when i removed these all “ important people from my life “…..my life somehow got better, i was able to enjoy more about my life. i was able to find more of what made me happy instead of being weighed down by everything and everyone who pushed me into the darkest corners of my mind. i let go and i found more of me. my life has become a place in which i take inventory on what i have and i now inspect it to see how it all affects me emotionally and physically. every now and then i find myself with the difficult task of removing something or someone from my life only to be gifted some portion of peace and clearer pathway on my journey towards nirvana and joy.

i have more control over my emotions and the way i react to things the more i decide to detach from what destroys me. i’ve learned to never rely heavily on relationships or friendships for my own self worth, taking the power out of hands that may prove to do more harm than good in the end. i can recall being in a length relationship with the wrong person and when that relationship ended…i was more concerned about the wasting of my own time rather than the emotional pain that this individual had caused because i understood that loosing this person meant finding someone better eventually but it was also an opportunity for me to understand what i had did wrong and how to do things differently in hopes of experiencing better results. break ups happen and i see those failures as pieces to a puzzle that shows me more of what i want and don’t want.

today, in this moment as i write this…i am once again at a place in which calls on me to make the proper decisions to put me closer to the peace and joy that i deserve during my time here on earth and more than ever, i find myself growing in anticipation and excitement of the rewards that will follow once i’ve begun the process of removing what no longer belongs in my space or in my life. sometimes a loss is a gain. sometimes you have to lose things to gain more and sometimes the things you thought you lost weren’t losses at all. being with the right person, surrounded by the right people is something that i’ve strived for but in the end, there’s nothing wrong with being alone if it means being closer to happiness.

i hope you find the strength to let go of all the things that no longer serve a positive purpose in your life..

i intend on doing the same..

r.h. Sin

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