How to get closer to a worry and stress free life
“Did worrying and stressing out ever solve any of your problems or challenges?”
No? I didn’t think so either.
Worrying and getting stressed costs you loads of energy. You will feel awful and will experience all kinds of signs of anxiety like stomach cramps, sweating, dry mouth or a range of other signs. It however never brings your solution closer, for one because you will not have the energy to look for creative solutions, but also because your mind is to occupied to think of something else, like a solution.
How about you try to stop worrying, loose the stress and focus that energy on resolving your challenge? That will not only bring you closer to your solution, and by that taking away the reason for worrying all together, but it will also give you a positive feeling about how you go about your life. Which in turn, will give you more energy to tackle challenges and find solutions. It will take you from a negative spiral into a positive spiral.
“Easy? Not at all. But here are some tips.”
As usually, I am going to be honest with you and will not tell you it so easy. It is not, but here are some tips.
“3 lines of text to remember”
Some time ago I ended up in a bookstore. They sold also other kind of stuff, one thing draw my attention instantly. It was a small ceramic tile with a text on it. It read:
“Dear god, Help me to find the serenity to accept that what I cannot change.
Give me the strength and courage to tackle what I can and want.
But please, also give me the wisdom to know the difference.”
Even if you are not religious, this text says it all. Because it is the key to less worrying and less stress. It is a text I try to remind myself of every time I start to worry about something. Why is this an important text? Well, let me explain.
“Learn to accept”
Some things are out of your field of influence. No matter what you will try, you will not be able to change them. Examples are corporate decisions that have an impact on your work locally or the weather and its influence on the company outdoor event you are going to organize and many others. Of course you’re free to start worrying about the outcome and the problems they might cause in your life, but be honest, is that going to solve anything? You still will have to deal with the corporate decisions and if it rains it rains on your event no matter what.
The thing here is acceptance. Be aware that focus on things you cannot change is a waist of energy and time, both things you can really use for the second line of the text. This awareness is key to achieving an optimal use of energy and resources and therefore an optimal outcome of your efforts.
“Focus on things you can influence and draw positive energy from that”
Where acceptance was about things you do not want and could not influence, this paragraph is about things you do want and can influence. Determine whether you can have an influence on the outcome of this challenge and whether you want have an influence. If both are answered yes, then go for it!
Just already the process towards the positive outcome will give you a positive energy you did not know you had. Can you imagine what succeeding will do for you?
“That sounds almost too easy. What is the catch?”
Well, there is a third line. And the key of success is in that third line. Because all I have written above, will only work if you know which of the things that cross your path fits in which of the two paragraphs above, when you have the wisdom to know the difference.
This is also where it usually goes wrong. People try hard to change things that they have no real influence on. Imagine walking on a path and suddenly you find there is a huge stone blocking you from moving forward. You and I both know that there is no use in trying to push a 500 kilo stone to the side by yourself. Still, loads of people will try. Spending their energy on pushing an unmovable object, instead of accepting that this path leads to nowhere and accept this for a given. While perhaps backing up a bit to that earlier crossing in the road and go forward from there, would bring them to the place they want to get to.
They usually get stressed out, even up to an dangerous level (reed towards a burnout) because they only focus on the immovable objects in their life. And because they do not put the blockage in the right perspective and are not able to accept, they loose the important energy and time that are necessary for the approach that can actually has an influence.
“So what to do?”
So in order not to stress out, ask yourself, is this a problem that is real? Or a possible negative outcome that might happen? (Am I worrying over something that might just as well not even happen? A what-if scenario?). If it is not a real and currently happening challenge, then stop worrying and act on it, if and when it happens.
If it is for real, then ask yourself can I change the situation? Do I have influence on the outcome? If it is for real, but you cannot change it, then accept this. Do not try to move a 500 kilo stone without a excavator. What is the use? Accept that life sometimes deals you cards that you might not like, but cannot change. It is like it is. This is not fatalism, but the knowledge that there is a better use for your energy and time.
If you can make a change and this is what you want, then put all your energy into resolving this, make a serious effort. As said above, the progress towards a positive outcome alone will give you such positive energy.
The key to a worry and negative stress free life lays in knowing when to accept and when to focus your total energy, time and commitment on something.
Keep repeating this approach and find out that while doing this, you will notice you are less worrying then before and will feel less stressed.
Welcome on your path to a worry and negative stress free life,
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