30 Lessons I’ve Learned About Love, Sex, and Relationships

By Jessica Huynh, Storyteller for RU Student Life

1. If you expect your partner to love you the way you love them, you will always set yourself up for disappointment.

2. However, a good partner is willing to put conscious effort in accommodating to your preferred love language (Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch) to show you they care.

3. Tell your partner you love them on a daily basis. Saying “I love you” regularly doesn’t lessen the meaning behind the words.

4. Be with someone who supports you. They may not understand you completely, but they should support the person you were, the person you are, and the person you want to be.

5. Dump anyone who belittles you and puts you down.

6. If you feel strongly about a certain topic (religion, politics, etc.), save yourself the trouble of dating someone who has starkly different views from you.

7. Gaslighting and emotional abuse is real. Know the signs and get out while you can.

8. A good relationship is one that adds value to your life. If your relationship is draining you and negatively affecting other aspects of your life, it’s important to ask yourself if being in this relationship is worth it.

9. Action is more important than words. Look at what they do and not just what they say.

10. Cuddle without it leading to sex. Give long hugs without it leading to sex. Make out without it leading to sex. Touch without it leading to sex.

11. Cuddle and have it lead to sex. Give long hugs and have it lead to sex. Make out and have it lead to sex. Touch and have it lead to sex.

12. Set clear boundaries in the relationship. What’s considered acceptable in one relationship may be considered cheating in another.

13. Don’t fake your orgasms.

14. If they’re a selfish lover in the bedroom, they’re probably a selfish lover as a whole.

15. Be willing to try new things with your partner, both inside and outside the bedroom.

16. Speak up if something they did made you uncomfortable. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk about what you’re into and not into, upfront.

17. Hold your partner to their words. Similarly, only speak the truth and make promises you can keep.

18. Ask each other personal questions often. Continuously discover and learn from one another.

19. Surprise them often. The smallest gestures mean the most.

20. Talk about your relationship with your friends. Get a second opinion, but avoid unloading all your relationship woes to your friends. They will only get annoyed and resent your partner.

21. If your trusting family and friends think your partner isn’t right for you, they may see something you don’t.

22. Make it a conscious effort to unplug from technology and give your undivided attention to your partner.

23. Don’t take your partner from granted, and don’t let your partner take you for granted.

24. Being passive aggressive rarely gets you anywhere except feeling more frustrated.

25. Laugh together often.

26. If you’re constantly arguing and having the same fight over and over again, it’s time to decide whether being in the relationship is really worth the trouble.

27. Compromise and avoid holding grudges. If a grudge is too hard to forget, it may be a sign that the relationship is doomed.

28. Go out together. Go out with each other’s friends. Put in the effort to get to know the people in their life that matter to them.

29. Do things for them solely because it makes them happy, even if you could really care less about doing it.

30. Put yourself first. The number one relationship you should put first above all else is the relationship you have with yourself. Take care of yourself. Love the life you’ve created and the person you’ve grown to become.