The old line “You spot it. You got it” comes to mind.
The writing on the 10th Step in the “12 and 12" of Alcoholics Anonymous speaks to this quite effectively. It’s universal but it speaks to addicts especially well. We live in our resentments. They justify our need to numb our feelings. Therefore we need to find ways to stop resenting others.
The 10th step is “continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it”. Sounds simple but it’s not.
It requires us to remember that “pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth”. It advises us to treat others with “courtesy, kindness, justice and love.” It reminds us to exercise “restraint of pen and tongue” (and keyboard and enter key).
It also says it’s a spiritual axiom that “every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.”
But we’re also reminded of our humanity. We will be imperfect.
I do think our modern world makes it easier to be cruel. When we get mad at a driver we only see the car. When we are attacked on line or read things that raise our ire, the 3D human behind it is nowhere to be seen. When a TV pundit tells you a collective is your enemy, the individuals are forgotten. Heck, often the enemy faces the exact same problems as you. Think of the poor whites who voted in favor of deporting poor Mexican immigrants even though these two groups are a natural coalition.
I don’t really have anything smart to say that will wrap this up. There’s no point in trying to put a bow on it.