What does it mean to be ‘real’?

What does it mean to be real, anyway?
We all get to choose how we present ourselves to the world, yet often in trying to put our best foot forward, we lose ourselves completely. Excellent communicators are mindful and proactive about how they come across, yet their Presence always rings true. It’s not a façade used to cover up inadequacies and fears. It’s not an attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of others. Their Presence is unique and personal, fully authentic and powerful.
When I, as a communication coach, say, “Be real,” I mean show up as your real self. Be true to your values and allow your personality to shine through in your interactions.
How you show up in the world will be different than how others do. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to be a mediocre copy of an exquisite masterpiece. On the other hand, it’s equally as ineffective to say, “I’m an ugly lump of clay — take it or leave it,” and never allow yourself to be shaped and worked into your own exquisite masterpiece. Be the best version of you possible: matchless, priceless, a work of art.

In my living room, I have a shelf full of beautiful gifts and souvenirs from around the world, including a glass Aalto vase my best friend brought me from Finland and a hand-painted set of nesting dolls my mom bought in Prague.
My best friend, Sari, is like the Aalto vase: beautiful in its clarity. Though the glass curves, and looking at it from different angles changes your experience of the vase, you can see right through it. There is no hiding what’s going on inside. Like Sari, who is straightforward and direct, this transparent vase is an exquisite piece of work. (Oops! Piece of work? I meant, uh, piece of artwork…)

I am more like the Czech doll. It is richly detailed with brilliant colors and flowers. What you see on the outside, however, is just the beginning. When you open up the doll, inside is another! And inside that, another! And another. And another… These smaller dolls are not immediately apparent, yet they all belong. They match. And while they are hidden, they are present and accessible. They make the doll what it is.
Sari and I want to be the best versions of US that we can be. So we learn from each other, we grow, we push our boundaries. We gain wisdom and experience and apply it. Yet we will always be different. (Thank goodness! The world can only handle one each of us!)

If I tried to paint flowers on the Aalto vase, I would ruin it. If I left all the pieces of the Czech doll open and scattered for transparency’s sake, it would lose its beauty and mystery. When we lose sight of our own qualities and try to copy someone else’s, we degrade ourselves and ensure disaster. Appreciate and celebrate the fact that no one else can be you.
Some care, though, needs to go into maintaining and beautifying our treasures — both the ones that sit on the shelf and those that lie inside us. If I let my vase and doll get dinged up and scratched, never dust them, or box them up and leave them in the attic, I diminish them. Part of being true to yourself means enriching yourself, so you can be the biggest, best, boldest version of you.
Being real means uncovering yourself. (Don’t worry; I’m not talking about doing a striptease here.) You must take down the barricades you’ve raised. Sometimes we hide ourselves behind a false front. Sometimes we hide behind bad habits and ineffective behaviors, all the while claiming that’s what makes us genuine. Being authentic takes a lot more vulnerability and courage than claiming a less-than-awesome identity. Being real means being honest about your marvelousness and sharing it, as well as being honest about your flaws and working hard to overcome them.
Be real. Be you. But always strive to be the BEST version of you there is.

I’m Rachel Beohm, a writer, speaker, and coach. Through nonverbal communication, I empower clients to show up as their biggest, boldest selves.
