First of all…let’s hope this isn’t the last
My problem with telling my story is that I don’t think of it as a story at all. It’s a series of events that have led me, one way or another, to this futon here in Texas that is now what I call home.
It’s not a tragic “story”, so it’s not interesting for anyone on the outside looking in. In fact, you can consider this to be just another vent space for your average twenty something year old. Grew up in one place her whole life, wants to experience what the world has to offer, the opportunity arises and she takes it, along with love and heartbreak and a traumatic experience tossed in there. But my story, if you want to call it that, is still mine to tell, and right now that’s the only thing I can claim as 100% my own.
But lets get into that later, because I didn’t create this blog to totally focus on that.
I moved a thousand miles away from home for a reason; I wanted to begin bettering myself in ways that I knew I wouldn’t have been able to living in my comfort zone. And I’ve always noticed that I always self motivate better when I can look back and see my progress, one day at a time. So lets get into the positives, what I really wanted to start writing about.
I have goals, just like everyone else. And just like everyone else, they’re what you’d expect (in no particular order):
- Organize my life
- Learn to love myself completely
- Grow my relationship with God
- Stop focusing on the past, and let the future happen how it’s meant to
- Lose weight
- Become a person I admire
They seem so simple but I’ve struggled with them for a really long time! And I know exactly why, it’s because I don’t ever sit down and make a plan for myself on how to achieve those goals. I’m not going to go into that right now, the next blog post will for sure. But I do want to get out exactly what I want to have changed.
Organize my life-if there’s one thing I have never been consistent with, it’s organization, in every single aspect you can think of. Time, belongings, money, thoughts…I could never sit down and willingly force myself to get my shit together. It’s just not a talent I have, and I admire those of my friends who can. I always feel better when I have all my ducks in a row, but they always like to wander off ten seconds after I get them there. And I’m really good at ignoring those disorganized ducks when they get me into trouble…
Learn to love myself-So for this one, it’s tricky. Not to toot my own horn, but I am GREAT at giving my friends motivational pep talks and reasons why they should love themselves freely and completely. But alas, I am not very good at taking my own advice, as I have been told before. I know me, and I know every single flaw I have, whether I admit that problem out loud or not. But because I don’t admit some of my problems, I can’t get in the mindset to change those things about myself. And I think that’s a reason I do not totally love myself as a person. Don’t get me wrong, I know my worth! I know I have a lot to offer and I have even more potential to become better. But if you were to ask me this very second if I loved myself I would say yes…just not completely. And if there’s anything that every man and woman should do, it’s definitely love themselves like that.
Grow my relationship with God-This one is pretty self explanatory. I want a better relationship with my God, because He has always been there for me even when I didn’t think He was. No matter what anyone’s opinion is about religion, this will be one thing that I hold on to with an iron fist, because I’ve seen, first hand, the miracles that He does.
Stop focusing on the past, and let the future happen-This is the one I’m most nervous to talk and explain myself about. I am very notorious for holding on to things that have happened to me. Bad experiences, relationships, everything. And lately, I’m really seeing the negative effects that this unhealthy habit has been doing to me. I want to let go of a defining moment in my life that I honestly hate calling a “defining moment”, but it is. I want to let go of the old me that has held on to so many of my bad habits, because when I moved here I wiped my slate clean as it can get. And lastly, I want to stop fighting to make things happen if it’s not totally clear to me that they’re meant to happen. I’m very good at pointing that out to others, but I am completely blind to it myself; just another habit that needs to be kicked!
Lose weight-Again, pretty self explanatory. But I hate working out. I’m getting better at healthy eating, thanks to my roommate (also, whoever happens to read this needs to try spaghetti squash…it is a life changing experience and I 10/10 would recommend), but when it comes to working out, I’ve never found any routine that has worked for me. However, I will say that when I was in Tae Kwon Do, I genuinely loved that. It’s a great workout since you’re doing all kinds of warmups, you’re running around, and you’re kicking and punching people. With proper body armor on, of course! That and dance, I absolutely adore dancing. Those two methods kept me slim, and it doesn’t feel like you’re exercising, two wins for me. So the goal here is to find the time, money, and places to get back into martial arts and dance and start doing them again.
Become a person I admire-Last and certainly not least, I want to genuinely be a person I look up to. I see it in the little things, like giving a meal to someone who needs it, being a good friend, laughing off the things in life that go wrong, because at the end of the day, nothing in this world ever goes right for very long. But I do want to take time and smile in the moments that go right, and hopefully bring a small moment of happiness to someone who doesn’t feel things are going well for them. In other words, I just want to be a genuinely nice human being! Is that too much to ask for??
So now my goals are out there in the world, and so are my reasons for having them, and even kind of how I’m fixing to make them happen. Hopefully, making them public will help me be more inclined to make them become my new reality, which is the sole purpose for starting this blog.
But, grouping this in with my wonderful organization skills, my consistency skills are incredibly lacking. So as the title states, I’m hoping this isn’t my last entry. But writing my thoughts down tonight…this helped me more ways than I can say at this time. So with that, I’m off to bed, and I hope to be back doing this tomorrow, a little at a time.