Why Do Humans Crave Validation?

As an introvert, I have never understood the human craving for validation and acceptance of another fellow human being. Yes, from an evolutionary perspective it made sense for humans to be a group who supported each other, and gossiped which helped form stronger bonds of attachment that saved their lives, and maybe not die from boredom (sic).

As a society as much as we classify gossip with the ‘basic white girl’ stereotype, people gossip. And this happens across the world. Gossip is probably one of the few things the truly cuts across all sections of the society. Even if ‘gossip’ served us aeons ago why haven’t we grown as a species to overcome it?

Gossip in it’s simplest term is not just talking about someone ‘behind their back’. It’s also discussing a day’s events, often in a judgemental way. Yes, not necessarily in a negative way but also positive. Like, “Hey, did you see her red dress?” or “Did you see his shoes? they were the bomb, man!”.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t give a hoot about anyone’s sartorial choices or even cared about your own. But, once within a group of people who are excitedly discussing something, you want to give your two cents. You want to be acknowledged. You want your opinion to have some response, mostly positive.

In fact, the only reason marketing professionals are in business is because of this ‘strong group/peer’ influence. But we have evolved to be so much better, (allegedly). Bigger brains, opposable thumbs, (no tails?). But, we have not evolved psychologically. We are still trapped in the cycle of validation and acceptance.

Hundreds of psychological studies still show that people who have friends or have an emotional support system are happier, healthier, and live longer. Needing other people is such a ‘hallmark’ of human nature, it seems. Yet there is so much content that screams out discover you, you don’t need a man/woman/or anyone to complete you and other similar sounding new-age wisdom.

The emphasis is on being happy by yourself without a partner to enable you all the time. But shouldn’t it be the same for friends and family? Will humankind ever be able to live solitarily ? Be content with oneself to not emotionally use anyone as a crutch? Or will they always be hanging on to, “No man is an island” quote?