Hey guys! I would really appreciate if you read this ❤
I honestly didn’t want to write anything like this but this situation I’m in I can’t really explain in itty-bitty 140 character tweets that’ll totally flood your timeline. Plus I think I just need to come out with it all, tell you all everything that’s going on so you can understand a little bit what it’s like to live in my shoes.
What you see of me on stream is me at my very best that day. I might get pains and headaches and a bit confused at times but that is me at my very best, when I’ve had the energy to wash and put on makeup and try my best to be presentable and mildly entertaining for you guys. You never, ever see what goes on behind-the-scenes, and once I start explaining the behind-the-scenes it’s going to be quite TMI so stop reading now if you want to.
If you’re still reading, thank you, I appreciate it more than you could possibly know. Lately I’ve been very stressed due to looking after my Mum and legal things going on from her accident in December. As a result all of my symptoms have gone into haywire and I’ve developed new symptoms that I need to get checked by a doctor.
Basically living with my illnesses means that at any point my body can go into shutdown, essentially. If I exert too much energy in a day, then everything goes wrong. I get forgetful, my digestive system stops working so I throw up any food I eat THEN get diarrhea from whatever’s left in my system. I bloat, I ache, I get the most horrendous sharp stabbing pains that I can’t breathe from, I can’t walk properly, I lose my balance, and more recently I’ve been having problems with my vision. I also get mentally exhausted, so I cry, I become emotionless, I can’t keep my depression at bay and I mentally do not have the energy to stay happy. I often don’t have the energy to wash or dress so if I want to stream I’m usually in whatever clothes I’ve worn for the past 3 days and I’ll shower if I can, but that usually makes for lower-energy and more boring streams.
This is can happen any day. For months on end I’ve had it every single day. Since my Mum’s accident in December I’ve been looking after her, meaning I feel this ill every day because I’m using all my energy to look after her. So I wake up every day with extreme nausea, headaches, swollen glands in my throat, a cough, the sniffles. I’ve also started getting bouts of vertigo, anytime I wake up or have a nap or sometimes randomly, my vision goes funny and it’s like my vision is delayed/double/something, I don’t know how to explain it.
I’m struggling, a lot. But I can’t get help, I have to do this all alone. But everything that’s going on in my life is why Twitch is so important to me. My life is nothing now compared to when I was healthy. I lost almost everything I was and now I want to get something back. Twitch gives me purpose, because if I can’t entertain you guys and make you happy then I have nothing to strive for. I’ve been sick for 2 years now and it’s showing no signs of getting better, so I’m not holding out hope of getting my old life back. So I’m making a new one.
Thank you for supporting me, thank you for reading this if you’re at this point, and I’m sorry I’m so inconsistent as a streamer. I hope you can understand now why I am ❤
