Intentionally Living

Sometimes we lose ourselves somewhere in the chaos of life

Last week’s blog discussed Self love, and it’s importance. Today we will be tying in one of that blog’s key points to help us obtain more self love. (to read last week’s blog by clicking on the link above)

Knowing who you are and what you stand for.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, it is a little more complex than just a statement like the one above. A lot of times we are still discovering who we are and different things about ourselves in many stages of our lives, and that is a beautiful process on it’s own, however, core values, what you stand for, and what you will not stand for are important things to promote more self love for yourself. Knowing things like this will aid in decision making when it comes to what YOU want and need, and those decisions will less likely be based on what other’s want or what other’s think you should do and more likely be based on what you feel you should do. When you make decisions for yourself based yourself and not the opinions of others or what you think other’s would want, you feel more self aware, self confident, which leads to more self love. That’s why we are here, to realize we are our longest commitments and we can’t truly live a life of purpose or help others if we don’t love ourselves.

How do we began to KNOW who we are?

This starts as children of course, we are shaped by our family, especially our parents and siblings if we have them. How do they act? What do they tell you is right and wrong? What do they do to make money? When we are teenagers our friends and other peers have a lot to do with us finding an identity that sticks to us. Then, the regular struggles of life comes into play shaping our view on the world and our self. All of these are most certainly influences; the older we get we realize if the things we see others do make sense to us or not. Does what we see make us want to be the same or different? And then we adjust accordingly.


Sometimes our actions go against what WE THINK we believe

Let’s think back, think about before you ever got disappointed and hurt repeatedly, before the weight of the world felt so strong. This is most likely a very young age, take some time and think about how you acted, your demeanor, what made you smile, laugh, and cry. This is you without the chaos of the world crashing down on you. You noticed things then even if you weren’t speaking on it, if something felt wrong or felt special.

List your beliefs/ core values. Sound simple? Well, again it’s more complex. See you have to write your beliefs down, but they have to match up with your actions.

For example(#1) if you state, belief one: “I believe in testing my assumptions,” but you don’t spend any time figuring out where your assumptions originated from in the first place, (I.e. parents, family, friends, culture, society), why you believe it to be so, and when discussing you fight tooth and nail to get your view across without listening to the other side, then this not what you really stand for.

For example(#2) if you state, belief two: “My mind and body should be free from all forms of poisons/junk (whatever you want to refer to it as),” but you drink, do any type of ‘drug,’ or eat processed food occasionally then this isn’t really your core belief.

These are just examples and by no means used as a way to judge anyone, but to really figure out who you are. If you write something down, but your actions don’t back that belief then it’s not your CORE value.

→Journal every morning when you wake up or every night before you go to bed, whichever one fits best for you. These are private thoughts, even if you aren’t a ‘writer,’ even if you don’t like writing, you could do it on an app on your phone or get a notebook. This isn’t a huge effort, a couple minutes, but it will make a big impact. This gets your thoughts out. What thoughts are coming up? What are you spending time on during your days? What is important to you? What are you figuring out about yourself? This can help you discover things about yourself, what is most important to you, what is hindering your growth, and what is helping it.

Look forward to what you want your life to look like when your 80, what do you see making you happy, what did you contribute in your life, what do you want to have achieved? Is what you’re doing now progressing you in those directions? Why or why not?

Know that you can change, “studies on priming have repeatedly shown, our personality isn’t as stable as we think it is. In general, we exhibit many more shades of saintliness and sinfulness, introversion and extraversion, cowardliness and bravery, love and hate, vengefulness and forgiveness, etc. than we think we do, (Raghunathan, Raj, Ph.D.) It is okay that we change, it is okay not to always believe the same things, especially if we have had an experience that has brought us to said conclusion. It is okay to change your thought and beliefs; if you become a walking contradiction, maybe it’s time to reevaluate again, just remember you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone but yourself.

I don’t want to hit on too many things all at once on this topic so I’ll leave you here with these four bullet points. I hope you enjoyed the read, if you did please hit the applause button at the bottom. Please share any comments or any ways you have found are ideal in finding out who you are and what you stand for.

— R. L. Heyen

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