Question of the Day: Why is Self-Love so Hard?

Why do we love others so fiercely

but loving ourselves seems the hardest thing to do

we “like” things about ourselves that we would love in others…

why is that?

We have one body, one mind, one spirit… one life to live

why do we spend it criticizing ourselves and cutting ourselves down

cutting off our own oxygen to live a full life

No, I’m not talking about critiquing yourself so you may become a better you, this is not what this post is necessarily about…

Objectivity is a very good skill to have. One has to know when they’ve F’ed up and the steps to set in motion to correct themselves. Clearly. I am not saying to think you’ve got the juice if you don’t. I’m saying don’t think you’re the sh** if you’re not. Facts are that everyone is not, but everyone can be. If you are generally being a good person, contributing to society, other’s live, you’re doing what needs to be done, taking initiative in life and pushing yourself to be and do better — then you have the opportunity to give yourself credit.

This isn’t for the people who don’t see fault in their ways; this is for the people who have a hard time seeing anything but fault even when they are doing & trying their best. And for the people who just want to consciously work on loving themselves.

Shout-out to y’all. We need to find a safe space where we can change your perspective on yourself and all your efforts.

How do we do this? Change your perspective and love yourself.

1. I would say continued learning. “Ugh. Like we need to put in effort to love ourselves?” That is precisely what I’m saying. What I am talking about here is, never stop learning. Make it a nonnegotiable task to learn new things, by reading books, articles, learning a new skill / craft, or work on yours to get better at it. Keep that mind engaged. Having something interesting to show or teach others will build your confidence.
2. Exercise. “Ew. Like getting out of bed?” I’m not even saying so you look and feel great, because yes, those are definitely reasons. I’m talking about the proven chemical release you get after a workout that makes you feel like you’re soaring, that you’ve some how defeated someone (you have -your old self) even if only for a that day. Also, the fact that you know you’re doing at least one thing that will benefit you for your future.
3. Have a well rounded rounded ‘aura.’ Don’t fall back on one thing, your looks, your one subject you know a 1000’s things about. Yes, nurture those things, of course, but also have multiple things about yourself that makes you interesting. If you have more than one thing you feel are ‘strong points’ it makes you feel more secure.
4. Have fun and be comfortable with yourself. DING. Ding. Ding. You’re awesome. A lot of people have a hard time just spending time with themselves. “I’m bored.” Aka “I’m lonely.” One must really get comfortable in alone time because at some points in life, you’re all you’ve got, and if you don’t know yourself, or love yourself, you’re in for a world of hurt.
5. Have a well rounded life. Schedules sometimes make it hard for us to do anything other than what is on the to-do-lists, however, make it point to work on finding times to try and experiences new things. This will give you some exhilaration, those ‘good’ and ‘exciting’ feelings.
6. Travel. Make a goal to travel once a year at minimum. Sometimes this might mean sacrificing in other areas of life so you can afford it. This is a tough one sometimes when you don’t know how traveling could be a possibility. I use to think this, and sometimes I still struggle with it. However, its on my list and I will find a way.
7. Forgive yourself for your failures and mistakes, and let go of what others have done to you. “Why me?” I know this is a hard one, because you have to make a conscious effort daily to do this, but it’s a big one.
8. Find at least a few minutes for a break each day that belongs to just your peace. This could be yoga, breathing, blasting music, a quick car ride or walk, or hiding in your bathroom a way from the kids. Trust me, to love yourself your mind needs peace, not constant chaos.
9. With peace comes, letting go of toxic habits and people. Sometimes we love toxic things/people. You can’t help your feelings, but you can help your actions and work on letting go.
10. Make a note that consists of the things you have accomplished and overcame in life thus far. Big and small, sometimes perspective will come from all the things you have accomplished and overcame.
11. Challenge yourself. Yikes! Find ways to challenge yourself. Find ways to challenge the things you’re already good at, but also the things that aren’t a part of your comfort zone.
12. Attract self-love. Say wha??? Yes, manifest your thoughts into loving yourself, tell yourself daily who you are, what you deserve, and believe in it. Key-believe in it. This one is a daily task!
13. Evaluate yourself. Yes like I talked about above, a well rounded person has to have objectivity. You have to look at yourself, and your life, see both what you’re doing well, and what you’re not doing well.

These are a few ways in which we can all start loving ourselves on a deeper level. There is only one you.

“I, ________ ________ (insert your name here), will work on attracting self-love and loving every part of myself; and for that I am a bad-ass.”

— R. L. Heyen

Facebook: R. L. Heyen

Instagram: rlheyen

Thanks for reading this week’s blog. I hope you enjoyed the read. What are ways in which you work on loving yourself? What are things you love about yourself? Conversation is welcomed.