In the Game of Chicago, you drink or you die.
If the game of thrones was played in Chicago, where would each contender head for drinks? Sweet summer child, let local expert and Queen’s man @RafFoSho guide you down the Kingsroad and across the Red Fork to some of Chicago’s finest drinking spots. Moon of my life, this list is spoiler-free if you’ve seen the show through season four.
HOUSE STARK: LONE WOLF
“No. It was always warm, even when it snowed. Water from the hot springs is piped through the walls to warm them, and inside the glass gardens it was always like the hottest day of summer.” — Sansa Stark, A Storm of Swords
An imposing castle located in the vast and cold North, Winterfell (pre-sacking) was not without its comforts. A visit to the glass gardens felt like a walk under the sun, and the hot springs underneath the castle kept it toasty—warm enough that Catelyn rarely started a fire in her and Ned’s chambers. Lone Wolf may look like a local dive from the outside, but its rustic-chic interior, craft cocktails, and hearty bites are all worthy of a Great House. If you want to party like the Greatjon, order a bomber of Three Floyds Behemoth barleywine with a steak-and-ale pie. Lone Wolf’s name is also a hat tip to Bran, Rickon, Arya, and Sansa (and Nymeria!), all who soldier on while separated from each other.
House Lannister: Lobby Bar at Palmer House
“Gold,” Tyrion said, miming a smile. “Casterly Rock is full of gold.” — Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones
For House Lannister, remaining the most-powerful House in Westeros has largely depended on maintaining its storied image—whether by eradicating the rebellious House Reyne of Castamere or constantly reminding everyone about the family’s stellar credit-history (at least until recently). There’s no bar in Chicago that quite captures that upper-ladder look of extravagance like the Lobby Bar at the Palmer House, making it a no-brainer pick for House Lannister. One can imagine Tyrion and Jamie strutting through the lobby while shouting drink orders at the bartender, and Tywin meeting with Kevan and the rest of his council in the historic (and aptly named) Empire Room. Order a drink with Woodford Reserve bourbon—the exclusive version here is handpicked, sampled, and batched by the beverage director.
House Targaryen: Charcoal Bar
“No, no, my good knight, do not fear for me. The fire is mine.” — Daenerys Targaryen, A Game of Thrones
House Targaryen once called Dragonstone and King’s Landing home, but now Daenerys and her followers reside in a land far east from Westeros. Located beneath Sumi Robata Bar, the exclusive Charcoal Bar also channels the flavors of the Far East to craft excellent cocktails. The bar itself is charcoal-colored, employing a “design aesthetic that mimics the aftermath of fire.” Visitors can also head upstairs to Sumi Robata Bar, where they can order up grilled meats to snack on and a Dragon’s Milk cocktail made with vodka, cucumber mint, Nigori sake, white pepper, and lime. Bonus points if you order a horse heart and then demand to know where your boats are at.
House Tyrell: Summer House Santa Monica
“’Sansa, would you like to visit Highgarden?’ When Margaery Tyrell smiled, she looked very like her brother Loras. ‘All the autumn flowers are in bloom just now, and there are groves and fountains, shady courtyards, marble colonnades…’” — A Storm of Swords
A land of warm weather, fine wines, and bountiful harvests, the Reach boasts the most-fertile soil in Westeros and stretches all the way from the Crownlands to the Hightower in Oldtown. Some have even speculated that House Tyrell is actually wealthier than House Lannister, and it makes sense that gold won’t feed an army once the winds of winter blow across Westeros. In addition to the opulence, sun-soaked Highgarden is covered with greenery, which makes Summer House Santa Monica a solid spot to throw a Tyrell-worthy shindig. Summer House’s lush ferns and glass ceiling make each visit feel like a pleasure-barge trip down the Mander.
House Baratheon of King’s Landing: Sportsman’s Club
“If Lord Tywin attempts to interfere with the king’s justice, he will have Robert to answer to. The only thing His Grace enjoys more than hunting is making war on lords who defy him.” — Ned Stark, A Game of Thrones
King Robert may have seemed like a drunken oaf in his later years, but let’s not forget that he was a warrior of great renown. During Robert’s Rebellion, he managed to win three battles in one day at Summerhall, defeat the combined forces of the Crown, Highgarden, and Sunspear, quash a Greyjoy uprising, and topple the centuries-old Targaryen dynasty with a swing of his war hammer. He had an insatiable appetite for drinking and hunting, and Sportsman’s Club is exactly the place where he’d likely hang out. The great backyard patio offers a window into the outdoors, mounted deer heads mirror the sigil of House Baratheon, and the bar offers a no-nonsense shot-and-beer special for $5.
Editor’s note: House Baratheon of King’s Landing is the royal line of House Baratheon of Storm’s End, and is represented by the half-Baratheon, half-Lannister sigil. However, since Robert actually has no true-blooded heirs and Stannis holds Storm’s End, I applied the traditional Baratheon sigil to Robert.
House Baratheon of Dragonstone: Moody’s Pub
“Dragonstone was grim beyond a doubt, a lonely citadel in the wet waste surrounded by storm and salt, with the smoking shadow of the mountain at its back.” — Maester Cressen, A Clash of Kings
For those that haven’t realized that Stannis the Mannis aka the Lord’s Chosen aka the lobster king is just the damn best, please reference his unmatched military prowess [book spoilers], sense of humor [book spoilers], and ability to raise the roof [all good]. It’s a shame that Stannis got stuck with Dragonstone while the younger Renly received Storm’s End, but Robert knew that Stannis was the one who could drive out the remaining Targaryen loyalists and weather such a harsh place. Moody’s Pub actually has a beautiful outdoor patio that blooms in the summer, just as Dragonstone has Aegon’s Garden, which is filled with tall trees and wild roses. However, inside, Moody’s is truly a dim place, where the smell of smoke wafts up from the grill, sunlight barely shines through, and old stone-walls hide many secrets. Of course, a strong fire burns throughout winter, awaiting the offerings of Melisandre. It’s a great spot to enjoy one of their famous blue-cheese burgers and a pitcher of sangria.
House Greyjoy: The Mutiny
“The islands are stern and stony places, scant of comfort and bleak of prospect. Death is never far here, and life is mean and meagre. Men spend their nights drinking ale and arguing over whose lot is worse…” — Theon Greyjoy, A Clash of Kings
A visit to the Mutiny usually means you’ll be paying the iron price the next morning. It too is a place where men spend their nights drinking and arguing, and its name is a nod to the rebellious, seafaring lifestyle of the poor-yet-mighty House Greyjoy. At the Mutiny, bands are booked for shows regardless of whether or not they are any good, which sometimes transforms the joint into a hellcave of ear-punching noise. In a way, it’s a rite of passage–just as the Drowned Men are drowned and resuscitated in the Old Way.
House Bolton: Exit
“Lord Roose never says a word, he only looks at me, and all I can think of is that room they have in the Dreadfort, where the Boltons hang the skins of their enemies.” — Robb Stark, A Game of Thrones
Cold and calculating, Warden of the North Roose Bolton used cunning and treachery to take advantage of Robb Stark’s repeated strategic blunders and eventually obtained half the landmass of Westeros. It should be no surprise then that many northmen believe that deep within the Dreadfort remains a room where the flayed skins of House Bolton’s enemies hang. Exit is also perhaps not the cheeriest of places, and it has an upstairs room where weekly bondage nights showcase people being tied to a fence and whipped. Whether visitors think it’s grim or sexy, there’s no doubt this is where Ramsay would spend his nights.
House Arryn: Signature Room at the 95th
“Above the Vale, the Eyrie stood high and impregnable, its towers reaching for the sky.” — A Game of Thrones
While the Vale played an integral role in Robert’s Rebellion, since then it has adopted a policy of isolation and avoided the destruction of the War of the Five Kings. It is prepped for the winter, and its irritable Lord resides in luxury high atop the mountains. The Signature Room at the 95th is not only luxurious, it’s also the highest bar in town and allows visitors to feel as if they’re enjoying a fine glass of Dornish red atop the Eyrie. If you’re looking to party like the milk-craving Robin, order up a White Russian. As for the moon door, the women's bathroom on the 96th floor is apparently a great spot to drop trou.
House Tully: River Roast
“The castle is situated at the end of the point of land where the Tumblestone flows into the Red Fork of the Trident… The walls rise sheer from the water, and from their towers the defenders have a commanding view of the opposite shores for many leagues around.” — Tyrion Lannister, A Game of Thrones
Located in the heart of Westeros, Riverrun serves as the seat of House Tully and is a truly formidable fortress that can reroute the nearby river to completely surround itself with water. While River Roast can’t reroute the river, it also resides in the heart of Chicago and rises sheer from the water. It’s not hard to imagine the Blackfish shooting arrows from the outdoor patio, telling some bawdy jokes he picked up from pikemen, ordering a roasted fish, and stepping out at the most-opportune moment.
House Martell: Alhambra Palace
“The arms of House Martell display the sun and spear, the Dornishman’s two favored weapons, but of the two, the sun is the more deadly.” — A Feast for Crows
The Martells come from a far-away place that’s largely isolated from the rest of Westeros, one that’s not unlike the sunburnt lands of southern Spain or the Middle East. In Dorne, the people have dark hair and olive skin, eat spicy food, and embrace a festive, liberal approach to life. The elegant and exotic Alhambra Palace is the perfect spot to party like a Dornishman, enjoy a carafe of Mediterranean sangria, see belly dancing, and get started on a hangover before tomorrow morning’s Small Council meeting.
House Mormont: Frontier
“Bear Island is rich in bears and trees, and poor in aught else.” — A Clash of Kings
A proud House composed of butt-kicking warrior-women and brilliant advisers, House Mormont resides in the North on the wild and dangerous Bear Island. Its rugged members wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out at some champagne bar. Instead, the outdoorsy Frontier serves as a proper destination for Mormont bannermen, complete with its wood-lined decor, menu of game meats, and taxidermied bear (duh). Looking to party like Old Bear Mormont? Put in an order for an entire wild boar, which will feed 10 to 15 people.
House Frey: Rebar
“The Green Fork ran swift and deep here, but the Freys had spanned it many centuries past and grown rich off the coin men paid them to cross.” — A Game of Thrones
House Frey is not an ages-old House with a storied reputation. Instead, it’s an upstart House that made its fortune off prime real-estate, and it’s headed by a curmudgeonly patriarch with a bad haircut. Sound familiar? Just like the Twins, Trump Tower’s Rebar offers great views of the river if you’re willing to put up with steep prices. Avoid weddings here like they’re stone men on the Bridge of Dream.
The Night’s Watch: Vertigo Sky Lounge
“He could feel the great weight of all that ice pressing down on him, as if it were about to topple, and somehow Jon knew that if it fell, the world fell with it.” — A Game of Thrones
Rising 700 feet high and wide enough for several men to ride abreast on horseback, the Wall is a towering structure that offers views for leagues. Vertigo Sky Lounge also offers great views from its 26th floor rooftop bar, and just like Mole’s Town, it’s open during the winter. Oh yeah, it also has a friggin’ ICE BAR, which makes one wonder why the Night’s Watch hasn’t even built their own ice bar. Anyways, be warned if you’ve taken the black: there will be women in attendance, and a visit could lead to regrets.
House Reed: Liquor Lab
“You never see them, but they see you. Those who go into the bogs after them get lost and never come out. Their houses move, even the castles like Greywater Watch.” — Wex Frey, A Clash of Kings
The crannogmen of House Reed are Stark bannermen who live in the swamps and marshes surrounding the strategically important Moat Cailin. Perhaps the greatest strength of the crannogmen is their elusiveness. Even Greywater Watch, the seat of House Reed, is built upon a crannog (a floating man-made island), which makes it impossible for enemies to find. Similarly, Liqour Lab is a private pop-up cocktail-club that also constantly changes its location, making it the spot-on selection for House Reed. Now, if only Howland Reed would pop in and finally spill the beans about the Tower of Joy…
Maesters of the Citadel: Owen + Alchemy
“This is Valyrian steel,” he said when the link of dark grey metal lay against the apple of his throat. “Only one maester in a hundred wears such a link. This signifies that I have studied what the Citadel calls the higher mysteries-magic, for want of a better word.” — Maester Luwin, A Clash of Kings
The maesters are a clergy-like order of scholars, scientists, and postmen who study their various crafts at the Citadel in Oldtown. Members add links to their chains once they’ve proven mastery of subjects, which span from medicine to astronomy. While measters do enjoy some ale from time to time, they’re not exactly trying to drink Thoros of Myr under the table. Hence, Owen + Alchemy seems like the kind of spot they’d pop into for cold-pressed, booze-free juices made from roots, seeds, and various produce. (Milk of the poppy optional.)
Brotherhood without Banners: Room 13
“An old place, deep and secret. A refuge where neither wolves nor lions come prowling.” — Lem Lemoncloak, A Storm of Swords
Led by the zombiefied Beric Dondarrion and his right-hand man, the wine-chugging Thoros of Myr, the Brotherhood without Banners was originally dispatched by Hand of the King Ned Stark to keep the peace in the Riverlands as the Mountain raided the area. A couple of king-deaths later, the ragtag crew of rebels is simply trying to stay alive while fighting a guerrilla campaign against anyone who messes with the smallfolk or happens to be carrying a bag of Gold Dragons. The group’s secret hideout resides in a system of caves, which means that their favorite hang would also need to be hidden. Clearly, Room 13 is the perfect spot for the brotherhood, since the members-only speakeasy is located beneath Lakeview’s Old Chicago Inn and remains one of the city’s best-kept secrets. Even if you have the password, flaming swords are checked at the door.
Iron Bank of Braavos: The Bedford
“Each of the Nine Free Cities had its bank, and some had more than one, fighting over every coin like dogs over a bone, but the Iron Bank was richer and more powerful than all the rest combined.” — A Dance with Dragons
The Lannisters may be rich, but even they have to borrow money to fight a war, feed the capitol, and keep Tyrion’s buzz going 24/7. If you’re looking to pay off a subprime mortgage on Harrenhal or raise an entire army, the Iron Bank of Braavos is the place to go. The Bedford, with its elegant vibe and giant bank-vault doors, is definitely where the Iron Bank’s representatives would hang out. If Stannis were to stop by for a loan, he’d probably order the Darkest and Stormiest cocktail (dark rum, lime, ginger, allspice, orange peppercorn syrup).
Dothraki: Derby
“Among the Dothraki, the man who does not ride was no man at all, the lowest of the low, without honor or pride.” — A Game of Thrones
If there’s two things that the Dothraki love, it’s horses and a good time. Horses are an integral part of the culture since the Dothraki are a nomadic people, and Dothraki weddings are all-day, dawn-to-dusk affairs of drinking, feasting, and fighting. While Derby shies away from fights to the death, the horse-racing-themed bar offers all the drinking and feasting patrons can handle.
Thanks for checking out my super-nerdy list. You can follow me at @RafFoSho to check out more nerdy tweets. Special thanks to Tom Gateley at devaiantART for the sigils, and the Game of Thrones wiki for the photos.
