Sex Positivity in an Amazon Binge

Patrick Ramsey
Sep 3, 2018 · 4 min read
Photo by Jan Zhukov on Unsplash

This weekend I binged Jack Ryan, with John Krasinski taking on Tom Clancy’s famed hero. At first I questioned the choice of Krasinski, having watched the office. But that questioning dropped this past summer when I saw A Quiet Place, both starring and directed by Krasinski himself and his real-wife spouse Emily Blunt playing his movie wife.

At that point I knew he had some acting chops, and I was looking forward to the Jack Ryan part, to which he brought his natural sensitivity and a seriousness in his method that I’d not observed in The Office, it being a comedy, but did see in his directed film.

Besides just enjoying the part, both for my own Clancy-taste (I’ve enjoyed the character since Alec Baldwin played him in 1990’s The Hunt for Red October), I noticed some new cultural changes that may have very well been around for a while, but particularly struck me in this series.

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Two of the main characters, Jack Ryan and his future wife, Cathy, played by actress and rapper Abbie Cornish, meet during the first episode. The writers play with us for a few episodes, then they go on a date. At the end of the date, Krasinski’s Ryan is attempting to be respectful toward her, disclosing he’d love to “call her,” when she prompts him instead to come into her house.

Viewing audiences such as myself assume that, at least with the show, coming in is the last easy step before sex, and probably a hint that Cathy Muller (I also assumed that this particular Cathy is meant to be Ryan’s wife if the series makes money). It’s also easy to assume that with particularly good looks on both ends, and spy / thriller drama as the mainstay of the series, flirting and sex are good sidebars.

What makes this instance in a show different for me is that Cathy, the female, suggests Jack come in. This, unlike her predecessors, is more in line with the more current culture of sex positivity that is making itself mainstream, and by sex positivity, I mean so on the woman’s side.

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Girls are still trained in the idea that sex on the first date is shameful, and if you’re a man, well, it’s what all men really want (boys will be boys). Truth be told, a lot of women want sex too, it just hasn’t been as okay for them to have it, let alone want it. This version of Cathy Muller wanted sex, and we can safely assume she wanted all the things that come with it — her body touched, an orgasm, closeness, happy brain chemicals, release, and so forth.

We find this idea reinforced in the show when Cathy, afraid of Jack’s possible dramatic life, asks if it is okay to make their relationship “casual.” That, is, she wants nothing serious, but she’d like to keep hanging out with him and having sex as well.

This might seem like an overanalysis, but I can’t picture the character risking a one-night-stand, which sex on the first date could always become, before Abbie Cornish. Now, granted, this is 20/20 hindsight, but Cornish seems to pull it off without breaking the “lady” code.

My hope is that it’s not just the actress’ ability to hold herself that way without seeming negative that does it. Maybe it’s that culture is starting to catch up with what being a lady actually means. That is, maybe norms are changing what ladyship is.

I really, really hope so.

Consistently I see women shamed for being “hoes” and men being exalted for being “fuckboys,” but it would be refreshing to rather observe sex being positive, safe and consensual.

Seeing sex on the first date as just a “thing” that two people engage in if they’d like is heartwarming. The heart of sex positivity is enjoying it, feeling good about it and about one’s and one’s partner’s body, and being able to walk around without fear of shame or social reprisal.

Patrick Ramsey is a therapist and crisis counselor who spends his free time chauffeuring his kids, writing stories and poems, playing Ingress and working with PFLAGG. He competes in NYC Midnight competitions and is currently plotting a novel called The Catcher. You can find him at his website, www.counselingwtx.net,@RamseyCounseling on Facebook and Writer’s Cafe.

Patrick Ramsey

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Writer, therapist, lover of traveling, slave of dark chocolate almonds - pronouns he / him / his - www.counselingwtx.net

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