He & His Shadow

She… She ruined my life.

Hey! These are really big words!

Well, she did! I was ok until… Until I met her I think… 
I think it all started at first sight, but I denied it, and denied it well! I denied it to myself and went on living my normal life!

Went on living lying to yourself you mean?

Yeah… I guess so…

But how long can you go on living in a lie?

Forever I guess, I have to, I have no choice! My life was stable and good! I love my family and I love my wife! She is… She is bad news…

Sounds like a bad person to me

No! Hey! She’s a great person! How could you say so?

You just said she’s bad news!

Yes, cause I was a happy man! I love my family! And she ignited some kind of fire in my heart I didn’t even think was possible to have!

How did she do that?

I have no clue…

Is she a witch or something? 
What are you smiling at?

I always told her she is a witch! :))

A good witch or a bad witch? your smile got bigger…

She always said maybe she is a witch but a good witch…

Your eyes light up when you are speaking about her by the way.

I know, and so does my heart, partially lights up and partially KILLS me. I feel things for her that I never felt before, and yet I cannot say a word, and the same beautiful feelings I feel towards her are cutting my heart into pieces like a knife because I feel I am betraying myself and my values..

Hey hey hey hold it there: I am a man just like you are, and I understand that loyalty, honesty, integrity streak of yours, of ours actually… And I am smarter than you are, as I also understand that feelings as far as I know have no switch on and off button which we can use: did you “tell” her anything?

Of course not, are you crazy?

Did you hug her or even kissed her hand?!!!

You must be nuts!

Then what the heck is wrong with you?!!! 
You did the right thing, yet you still complain to have felt something some people live and die without having a clue such feelings exist?! 
You must be grateful, not angry and upset!

Yeah? And what do I do now?!!!

What are you talking about, I thought you already are “doing” what you decided to do, aren’t you?

Yes. So I am doing the right thing, right?

What do you believe?

You sound like her now! Answering a question with another question smarty! Yes. YES. It is the only right thing to do! Feelings come and go after all, and I know these are just temporary feelings and they will go away.

Right, absolutely… How long have you had these feelings for her?


Yeah, please.

Then there are like 3 questions here: how long have I really had feelings for her? How long have I suspected I have feelings for her? How long have I known without a doubt that I have feelings for her?

Oh I see… How long have you had these feelings for her?

I believe almost a little over 4 years…

And how long have you began suspecting that?

Maybe 3 years more or less…

How long have you known without a shadow of a doubt that you have feelings for her?

Almost two years…

And when was the last time you saw her?

Almost two years… Why all these questions…

Just that the fact that you mentioned that feelings come and go, you must feel less whatever towards her by now.. and you haven’t met her since you decided that you know that you have feelings, so you’ve done the right thing!

You know what’s beyond my comprehension is that she feels the same, I mean more or less, she feels something towards me and it is not just liking or the normal liking towards someone I know it’s more, I’m sure it’s more, I feel it! I know it…

I was just going to ask you how does she feel… And what did she do?

Same as me, she chose to walk away, or in better words, she chose to stay away, for she was never with me to actually walk away…

Wow… If she did that, how can you be so sure she feels that too?

I don’t know… I think she did that to honour my decision… And out of respect of the circumstances too..

Does she know you understand that?

Yes, I hope, I think so, I surely do hope so.

So it is all settled now and life is back to normal I see.

Yes, yes, everything is ok and back to normal, nothing happened, nothing ever will. We both carry the same values, and we both chose to honor our values and say nothing about it all. It could have turned into a bad burning fire to all. Keeping it silent, makes it a beautiful dream of light, simply: a dream.

So, if it is so, why are you talking to me about it now?

You asked me!!!

No, you started by saying: she ruined my life… I didn’t ask anything…

Well… Yeah my mistake to speak with you anyway, I’m going back to work.