First thing to admit which I think you did, is yes a war Vet and Mr. Rogers can both be alpha males. Being a man who was raised by his father, I never saw the term alpha male as (one type or stereo type). Alpha male provides, leads and protects. The people in my circle feel that, and love it. It doesn’t mean I never ask for help, or never listen to advice or shut people down. That would be unintelligent, however no man should have to suppress or hide this part of his core if he finds that it exists. Men have tried to be more feminine, and tried to be more ambiguous and emotional. There’s nothing wrong with admitting it doesn’t work for all of us. When you bring up gender scripting, you see it from one side that’s it. The gay bashing, dead beat criminal bad boy side which doesn’t represent men or straight men as a whole. If a guy wants to wear make up and dresses be more fem and date men, hey man do you. Let’s not alienate young men and boys that will never fall into that category and give them the impression that something is wrong with them because they aren’t feminine. Which brings me to this toxic masculinity. This term is so vague, and seems to mean different things to any woman that speaks on it. I’ve seen it defined as well boys shouldn’t play rough sports like football and wrestling because it’s too aggressive and that’s encouraging toxic masculinity. Playing spots lifting weights and getting aggression out in a competitive manner is not toxic and never will be. Where as on the other end I see men who are abusers and really just terrible humans falling into this category. That’s when it hit me.. “Feminine traits have been demonized for so long” so this toxic masculinity thing sounds like pay pack. Let’s create a term that can be defined any way we want and use it to demonize straight men. I don’t believe in toxic masculinity, I do believe in toxic broken people that are hurting inside and don’t know how to deal with it, so they hurt people around them. That’s no excuse for shitty behavior, IMO looking at it from that perspective doesn’t allow for an attempt to generalize males that don’t fall into the more feminine scale. The message to men to today is well if your more feminine your guaranteed to not be a toxic male. This a false equivalence, but the implication there is very strong.
Yes I’m anticipating the feminist response to alphas, lead, provide and protect. Do I expect a woman to … I expect women to pursue what makes them happy, I expect the same for men. I also believe as a man there are several ways we provide it’s not always money. Whether it’s guidance and advice to those we care about mentor-ship, or a home and food things of that nature, or whatever is in our comfort zone to share. We provide it and it has a positive impact all around us. Which ties right into being a leader, lead by example and make sure our words reflect our actions. If you want to criticize the straight guys, there’s your ammo. Hey guys make sure your living an authentic life, where your choices match up to your words. Our choices are what define us.. I wish more people talked to men about this.
One ideal that typically has to be covered when speaking with feminists are (the bad apples) yes there are some terrible alpha males in jail or on their way and deservedly so. Shit some of them deserve to be buried under the damn jail. It’s due to their choices. The term alpha doesn’t just apply to criminals or bad boys. Maybe I’m wrong but I believe many women can attest to this. I look at Obama, that’s an Alpha male. Confident, knows what he wants and how to interject just the right amount of testosterone into a situation. Stephen Curry, alpha male basketball player for the Warriors. Plays with everything he has on the court top 5 player in the NBA , at home he’s a God/family first man. The list goes on when it comes to example of Alphas that aren’t bad boys/criminals or dead beat dads. My focus is to counter this idea that Alpha males are only the bad boys, only the dead beats only everything that’s negative in society. It’s also to show if a man isn’t more feminine that doesn’t mean he’s broken or toxic.