“If you need to attack a woman who rebuffed your advance, you’re not a man, you’re not even a boy. You’re a pussy”
You ever look into why men do this? Why would a guy have such a rash reaction to a woman simply turning him down. I can tell you, boys are taught that women complete them. Having a woman is a sign that he isn’t a loser. (Let’s be clear I don’t advocate for or condone any violence period) It’s rare that I can get even close to the root of this issue, this is my chance.
It starts once puberty hits, boys are taught their value is in how women respond to them. It’s incredibly unhealthy, and leads to some serious depression and fucked up attitudes towards women. The first thing he’s taught is if then statements, if I just do … then I’ll prove myself and show that I’m worthy of her affection. Moms teach boys this alot, you need to have a good job if you want a girlfriend seems innocent on the surface. Guys can take this way too far and start basing everything they do on how women (might) respond. They’ll listen to music they don’t like, buy clothes that eh- it’s not their thing but girls will like it. Buy fancy cars, get a big condo or house, keep up a, expensive or some sort of appearance to avoid looking like a loser so women will approve of them. It sounds silly but this way of thinking can dominate a mans life. It’s likely that he’s afraid of something.
The term loser. This word at middle school ages has put real fear into a lot of boys. Do everything I can to not be humiliated and called a loser. I’ve seen this a million times, a boy is standing up for himself publicly or maybe just being annoying. Girl says to him (middle school age) do you have a girlfriend in front of a crowd. Everyone knows the answer because they’ve known him since 3rd grade. He sheepishly says no, what does she say. Of course not and you’ll never have a girlfriend you fucking loser. Everyone dies laughing, this story follows him and is repeated every where. What happens there, is what creates these assholes you’ve described.
They chase success and an image that’s empty, but they think it will keep people from ever humiliating them again. You are correct their masculinity is fragile, because when it was developing it got crushed. The shame kept them from talking to anyone about it, who wants to relive that shit again. I wouldn’t so these boys never get guidance. (Once again I’m not making an excuse for violent behavior) I’m explaining how some of these guys are created. Fear of humiliation and shame drives them, not confidence and comfort in who they are. So now, when he’s grown up and refuses to be the guy everyone shit on in Jr. high and High School his priories are wrong. When a woman turns down an advance, he relives those feelings all the way back when he was a kid. He freaks out, because (I’m not that loser anymore, I’ve worked so hard, I’ve done this, I’ve done that!) in reality he never got past the trauma of being humiliated over and over again in front of his peers decades ago. He relives it every time a woman shoots him down, it’s not her fault she’s just living in the moment. He’s the one who’s stuck in the past.
I can hear the responses now. People assuming because I have sympathy for how (some) guys end up this way I’m excusing the behavior.. I am not excusing anything. I wanted to get to the heart of the matter, I wrote this in hopes that if a guy reads and connects he can help himself. I think that humiliation can continue into adult life for a lot of men, we need to be able to spot it (with-in) that fear of rejection because of something else that happened as a child and find therapy. Understanding that, maybe you have experienced some real trauma’s in your lifetime and get some help, before ending up doing something like someone the OP described.
