When I politely say I just want to be friends, you say I’ve rejected you because you are ‘nice’. Dude. No. Has it occured to you, that maybe, just maybe, I’m not sexually attracted to you?
And yet…. lol. Isn’t that exactly what occurred to them? You aren’t sexually attracted to them because they are nice — it’s implicit. How do you divide the two? Unless you’re saying that you were judging them based solely on their looks, so their personality traits were not a factor?
And despite this disclaimer:
I don’t think I’ve ever dated someone I didn’t consider nice. […] I like nice men. That’s probably my type. I’m nicesexual.
Right. As perceived by you (thus the qualifier “I didn’t consider”). That’s not an objective standard. Do other people who meet them consider them nice? If they were so kind, well-mannered and good-natured (‘nice’) but you’re no longer dating them, did they become unnice? Was their niceness, in fact, an act, a trick of your perception? Was it really just an irrelevant trait?
How is it a stretch to say, ‘You don’t like me because I’m nice,’ when their sole interactions with you fit the definition of being nice?
You’re right, though, of course. Men are fragile nitwits in this department; myself included (though I’m capable of avoiding the knee-jerk whiney, “you don’t like me cause I’m such a nice guy” crap). Nature is cruel to us here.
Among people there is a general expectation that acts of kindness should be rewarded. When guys are nice and interested, you say for it's a claim to own your body or an invasion of privacy; I’d say it’s for a chance to continue the conversation, to get to know you.
We are raised in a society that says, “If you like a girl, just be nice to her.” Just watch as parents explain to children what to do when they like someone — talk to them, be nice to them, find out what they’re interested in, be polite, just be yourself. . . Platitude bullshit waterfall.
We set men up to fail.
Not just fail at gaining the interest of women but at gracefully accepting disinterest and keeping aware that self-worth shouldn’t be dependent on the attention and interest of certain women.
Of course, it’d probably take a nice person to recognize this, empathize and not get angry.
