Aka’s Pilgrimage
Aka opened the door and walked into his apartment. The night shift had been rough. He had barely gotten a few sick patients through to the morning, and it didn’t seem like the coming hours were going to be much better for them. He had given his report to his replacement who took it in stride, Dr. Bach had been doing this for a while too.
He went to the kitchen and boiled some water, ground some coffee beans and made himself a cup of black coffee. Normally he would go out on the balcony of his high rise apartment and enjoy the view but he didn’t feel like that this morning.
He sat down at his work desk and let out a sigh. He had been treating an elderly patient by the name of Janice. Janice was a nice lady who had been there for some time now, and had made quick friends with the staff. She was frail and needed a lot of assistance, but she had a good sense of humor about growing old and seemed to accept it with grace.
She was being treated for pneumonia and was initially doing ok but had acutely worsened overnight and needed to be placed on a breathing machine. She trusted Aka and agreed to the procedure, but he could see the fear in her eyes.
Janice had one child, a son she was extremely proud of. She told Aka about him all the time, but unfortunately he had not been able to come see her recently. Her pneumonia was not responding to antibiotics and Aka wasn’t sure if she would make it. He called him before his shift ended and let him know the grim update. Aka could hear the pain in her son’s voice, filtered through a lifetime of memories of a loving mom and his powerlessness to help her. He duly noted Aka’s message and thanked him for the call.
Aka did not think Janice would see her son again, and he felt the weight of time flow through him. What bonds existed between a mother and her son, and what right did anyone have to extinguish them. Death was humanity’s cruel joke. If we are born to die, then what meaning could there be in life.
Suri had walked away from his life with no warning and no clear reason why. Besides a frustrating piece of stationary, she had left no explanation whatsoever. He had hoped desperately in the first few days.. weeks.. even months that he would come back home and she would be there — with an explanation and a loving smile. Only after she had left had he realized that he knew nothing practical about her. Aka could describe her smile, her eyes, her laugh and the way her nose used to crinkle when he made a bad joke. On matters of the heart, he had never been closer to anyone. But when it came to her past life and her family he had nowhere to turn. She had come into his life one day, made it magical and then slipped out through a quietly closed door.
Aka sat with a beer on his porch and looked at the sunset.
Can this really be it?
Everything was formless. It felt he had worked hard every day and killed himself to assemble all the facets of a happy life but had forgotten to add the final ingredient.
There are some days that just suck the joy out of life — this was just one of them he told himself and tomorrow would be better.
It was said easily, as a reassuring bromide that he felt was necessary but who was he trying to fool. He couldn’t picture tomorrow or the day after, or even the month after being any different. He would work hard at a job that was slowly becoming more of a grind than a meaningful aspect of his life. He longed for his days off, but then knew not what to do with himself when he was.
He drained the beer.
Suri’s body was found in the canal, six months after the letter.
Her death was ruled a suicide.
