But don’t be a murderer
Have you ever heard the phrase “kill them with kindness?” I know it sounds like a cheesy self-help cliche, but bear with me. My father used to say this to me all the time when I was a kid.
When I was younger, I thought it was just him telling me to be nice to people. But now I know that’s not it.
Killing someone kindly means reacting to certain situations in a very calm and respectful way. It requires putting your ego aside and showing others that they are valued and respected even when they’re screaming, cursing, or angry with a stinky attitude.
And yeah, it's never easy.
But believe me, the results can be truly amazing, especially when you see someone who is losing control or shouting around finally come to their senses.
I learned this firsthand when I was working at a coffee shop a few years ago. It was a busy day, and we were slammed with customers. I was working the register, attempting to keep up with the long line, when this woman walks in and begins yelling at me.
She was like, “Hey, I ordered a cappuccino with extra foam, and this is just regular foam. Do you not know how to make a freaking drink?”
I was caught off guard, and I could feel my blood starting to boil. You know that feeling when you say "fuck it" and just want to let it all out?
But then I thought back to my job and how important it was to me, and I also thought of what my father used to say to me, so instead of lashing out, I took a deep breath and smiled.
“I’m sorry about that, ma’am,” I said. “Let me make you a new drink, and I’ll make sure it’s perfect this time. What kind of milk do you prefer?”
When you're having a bad day or simply need to vent, you want the person in front of you to have the same vibe and anger as you, so she looked surprised, as if she wasn't expecting me to be so nice.
But she told me what kind of milk she wanted, and I got to work.
I couldn't help but wonder why she was so angry while I was making her new drink.
Was it truly all about the foam?
Or was there something else going on in her life that was causing her to lash out?
I smiled as I handed her the new cappuccino and said, "I hope you have a better day from here on out. Thanks for coming in.”
She looked at me for a moment, then her face softened. “Thank you,” she said, almost sheepishly. “I’m sorry I was so rude earlier. It's just been a tough day.”
It's just been a tough day; I know, we hear that all the time, but think about it for a second.
When someone is angry and yelling at you without a legitimate personal beef with you, they are usually having a problem with themselves and their life, not with you.
I nodded understandingly. “I totally get it,” I said. “We all have those days. But, hey, you got a new cup of coffee out of it, right?"
The tension in the air dissolved as we both laughed. I couldn't help but smile as she left the coffee shop. I felt like I was the peacemaker.
So I responded to her rage with kindness; I had not only defused the situation, but I had also made a human connection.
Since then, I've made an effort to incorporate the philosophy of "kill them with kindness" into other aspects of my life.
The truth is that killing someone kindly doesn't mean being a pushover. It’s not about letting people walk all over you or ignoring your own needs and boundaries.
As much as I hate it, this is the world we live in, and you can only be kind to a certain extent.
It's about finding a way to connect with others even when they're hostile. It's about accepting that we're all just humans trying to make sense of this crazy world.
So, the next time you come across someone difficult or rude, ask yourself,
Do I want to respond with anger and hostility, or do I want to try to understand where they're coming from and answer with kindness?
It’s not always easy, but I’ve found that the latter almost always leads to a more positive outcome.
Of course, there are times when being kind simply isn't enough. Some people are just determined to be miserable and disrespectful, no matter how nice you are to them.
Even in those situations, I try to remember that it's not about me. It's all about them and their problems.
You being kind is not only making their day a little brighter; you are also making yourself a better person.
So I urge you to try killing it with kindness if you're feeling frustrated or overpowered by the negativity in the world. It might not fix all of your issues, but it might improve things a little.
Even if it doesn't work, and I guarantee it won't always work, at least you know you tried, because there are some things you can't control.
Peace
