An Ugly and Very Personal “essay”

A life having faced mostly fearful odds is the only life I could ever imagine. Being parked in a cushy sofa never challenging myself or the world — is something I have always feared. In fact I think it is the only real fear I ever had.

Sure, there has been much more pain than love as a result. I dont scar easily but I am covered in them, inside and out. But attacking the wrongs, even when the whole world seems to have been fooled, seems to be the only way I can avoid the crippling boredom that is life.

I embark on seemingly impossible missions that can last for years I never give up unless I am shown to have been wrong. I am not afraid of that either. Letting yourself be or do what ultimately may prove to be wrong — is the only way to end up being right(eous).

I do many bad things. Anyone looking at my life will probably see only scandal and chaos. When I pushed the envelope too far I ended up on the front pages. Failing will sometimes be spectacular. I dont mind, I just get up again. I have much more enemies than friends, and of the latter kind I have a lot. Much more than I could ever deserve.

I try very hard to be loyal to my friends. If you come across one they most assuredly will tell you just that. That in turn gives me friends to turn to. Today for instance, two of my friends didnt blink when it turns out I need a new lap top. They.did.not.even.blink. That is a life worth living, having friends like that.

The scores of enemies I have, are not mad at me because I was bad with them. The vast majority are mad because I did not fold to their harassment of me or my friends. I never back down from a fight unless it will bring peace — to someone. I never start shit, but I sure do finish it.

That last part is what most of you see, and I know full well that I will never be popular or liked in general. I dont mind, because I know that if you do not hit me over the face I am ultimately a kind little teddy. And I am not even kidding.

So when you see me roar, I am basically finishing something others started. That is loud and visible. Hence the reason why you might have me all wrong.

Sure, as I said, I fuck up some times. But seriously, do you expect me to be right all the time? I act on things, run things, create things, start things hundreds of times a day. The only way to be perfect is to do nothing at all. Which is what my hardest critics are all about. Their job is easy, and I pity them. I could never do their job which consists mainly of tearing down things. Setting fire to a house is way easier than building it.

These days, and my inspiration to write this, I see the world shouting about Russia hacking the elections and Putin being behind every bad thing. In my country our politicians are even trying to start to put all Norwegians under surveillance telling us that its because they need to protect us against Putin. How is monitoring my love letters going to help stop Russia, which by the way is doing nothing more than what the US and China is doing. Hacking the world to bits.

So here I go again. I will fight the false narratives, the governments and the corporations as hard as I can for as long as I can — because I dont give a fuck about the fact that I am nothing but a little wannabe viking facing fearful odds. Let me do my thing, and remember where you stood in this fight 5 years from now.

Nah, Putin hacked shit. Billionaires, our own intelligence industry, right wing christian zealots, hate and war hacked us. Join me in understanding — some time in the future please.

Sure, I am a bad man only trying to do good but I am on the right path here. Of that I am certain. So please forgive my fails as I rage against the machine, propaganda and intellectual & moral bankruptcy.

Trump is a fucknut, but you are an idiot for spending time sharing “The Lies of Spies”, the Deep State and the NATO narrative. Dont be an Anon and think you can support the Democrats because you both hate Trump right now. You are a useful idiot. You are not an Anon. We fight the powers, we dont play with them.

Dont you get it? You cannot go to bed with someone fucking with democracy and think you will wake up beside a princess in a few years. It.dont.work.like.that!

Fuck your odds, and fuck your simplistic thinking. I’m going head first into this fight, with you or without you. Life is just too boring without facing an impossible battle every.single.day.

(Congratulations if you made it all the way here. Have another piece of Caeke.)

Additional reading for a non personal context

And in case you thought this wasnt personal or that I somehow overstated that I fuck up….