A Hastily Written Diatribe Against the Dizzying, Ridiculous, Misbegotten Presidency of The Malicious and Embarrassing Liar, Donald Trump

Caution: Cuss words ahead.

DMX “Party Up” (Up in Here)

This rap song just sounds right for the times. I don’t know all the words by heart, but the chorus has been helping me through really stupid crap for years. The version linked seems to be the mostly cleaned up one, but I crank the original in my headphones and bob my head hard, like I just don’t care.

Donald Trump, you are not my child, so I don’t have to tame my language or measure my words to make the best of a teachable moment. You are a grown ass man who wanted to become president of the United States — not become our first ruler.

Sorry you got the emperor, king, dictator thing confused with the office you finagled by being the insufferable dick the majority of voters wanted in just the right places, to tilt the electoral college your way. But my being sorry isn’t because I agree with your ridiculous perception that your feelings are precious and way more important than anyone else’s.

I’m sorry because you’re a dangerous, dipshit, horror of an ally who refuses to research his job and work for the American people the way a person who actually understood the job in the first place would. If I lived in another country, I’d think something really strange and heartbreaking was happening over here and my trust for us would be blowing over the stratosphere and evaporating as I wrote this. But wait… that’s the way I feel now. Seeing it happen from the inside is just as weird. Watching the majority of republicans in the government lick your disgusting ass makes my stomach lurch every day.

You already told us you didn’t expect the job to be so hard. Any previous president could have told you that, if you hadn’t been too stupid to listen; if you weren’t too stupid to read presidential memoirs, or maybe the Constitution. You fucking piece of shit asshole. What the hell are you good for, besides lining your family’s pockets with all your disgusting freeloading on the country you claim to love?

If you think anything you do can make me feel that America is safer, you’re actually right: you can quit your job and move to Russia. Oh wait, your dumb ass can’t help them over there. They’d probably laugh at you way harder than they do now as they manipulate the fuck out of you and your ever present vanity.

I didn’t ever, and never will, trust you. I’m sorry anyone ever did. I hope the president our nation elects in 2020 won’t have the horror to clean up that you seem hellbent on creating with your near-daily, toddler-level, oblivious refusals to pay attention while on the learning curve. Hell, you can’t even self-correct, the way grown ass people all around the world do when faced with hard times. You can’t when you’re as stupidly stubborn as you are, AND your sycophants pile themselves on the curve like bricks to weigh it down, as if that will protect you, and them, from the gigantic load of shit that’s already begun to spring back on you. What assholes you all are.

Grown ass people manage to work physically and emotionally difficult jobs for little pay, and worry about feeding and housing their families, all the while praying that the money lasts to the end of the month and that the one disaster that could upend it all doesn’t come. There are tons of folks who’ll still behave like adults if the disaster comes, still have integrity, still care deep in their hearts about their fellow human beings, and not in the superficial, (Will this look good in next week’s campaign commercial?) way you “care” about folks.

There are grown folks who have learned good, admirable things in their lives even if they’ve only been alive for half as many or fewer than your seventy years.

What’s your real excuse for being such a dick? What fucked up thing happened to you around Common Sense to make you run in the opposite direction every time it waves its arms wildly in front of your face, or cloaks itself in the guise of a person with experience, or brains, who’s trying to help you?

What fucked-up-edness makes you trust your lack of judgment more than the whispered or yelled heads-up from people around you who know more than you ever will about how our government was set up, and more than you ever will about how not to destroy it all with a wall of ignorant tweets, earnestly spoken incriminating drivel, or other countries’ secrets spilled to insulting Russians whose summons you are unable to refuse? Grow the fuck up, you jerk!

Okay. Calming down now and ignoring the asshole who doesn’t listen.

Let’s see if the whole ‘getting it out’ thing helps my stomach or eases the stress crick in my neck. Maybe I won’t have the urge to cuss so much tomorrow.

(I snickered after I typed out that last bit. I’m not really clueless enough to believe that.)

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