Getting Calm: Why It Matters and How to Do It

In our last post we defined Steadiness problems: negative emotions and distress that you inevitably encounter on your weight loss journey.

Responding with Steadiness — rather than willpower — fundamentally changes HOW you approach losing weight and puts you on the heroic path to success!

Learning to Steady yourself involves a 3-part sequence that begins with Getting Calm.

Why Get Calm First?

1. You simply can’t think clearly when you’re in the throes of a Steadiness problem. Period. No one can.

2. The other Steadiness tools aren’t accessible to you unless you start here.

3. It is incompatible with willpower. That’s right: Getting Calm is willpower’s nemesis, and a mark of a genuine hero.

For Instance

We’d like to begin bringing this tool to life by asking you to imagine yourself in the following scenario:

You’ve just finished four weeks on your new eating plan and have lost 5 pounds. You are gaining some traction and making progress for the first time in ages, and feel a twinge of confidence that meeting your goal of losing 25 pounds might actually be possible, The salad is tossed and chicken breasts are in the oven for dinner as you smile to yourself and think: “What if I really am the hero in my own story?” Taking advantage of a rare window of pre-dinner quiet, you plop in front of the computer and scroll through your Facebook newsfeed. Right there, for the whole world to see, is a picture that your friend posted of the two of you at a fundraiser the previous week. It’s not exactly a bad picture of you, but it’s a stark, accurate representation of you — still 20 pounds overweight. You suddenly feel completely deflated. It’s as if your sense of accomplishment and spark of confidence are instantly extinguished, leaving behind self-criticism and discouragement. “Five pounds and an entire month and I still look this fat??? It’s not even a drop in the bucket! What’s the point? Why bother? Hero? — who am I kidding?”

Unexpectedly seeing that picture of yourself doesn’t alter anything about your month of hard work and progress; nothing has changed — right?

Yet notice your change in perspective and mood as a result of innocently looking at Facebook and seeing that picture. Your clear thinking morphed into distorted thinking in mere seconds.

Reality is unchanged, but you’re smack-dab in the middle of a Steadiness problem.

What Would You Do Next?

At moments like these, you’ll most likely do one of two things:

1. Take a subtle baby step towards giving up. (“Screw it — I might as well just have ice cream for dessert tonight with everyone else”).

2. Conjure up some willpower and force yourself to ‘stay the course’ (“Screw this one step at a time approach — I’ll have a protein shake for dinner and fit into my skinny jeans in no time!”).

Willpower might temporarily feel good. It seems to keep you on track and provides a sense of strength. But after responding to Steadiness problems by applying willpower 5 or 10 or 20 times, you’ll be out of juice.

What do you notice about both of these responses?

They lead to the same destination: abandoning your quest as well as yourself.

What Is The Alternative?

Recognize these moments as Steadiness problems — no more, no less. Accept them as normal and expected challenges on your weight loss journey.

Then you have an opportunity to summon your inner hero and respond with a better tool for the job — Getting Calm.

How Does It Work?

Getting Calm requires some preparation on your part: identifying a simple relaxation strategy and practicing it so you have it at your disposal when Steadiness problems inevitably occur.

FIRST: CHOOSE YOUR METHOD

Imagine a 0–10 scale for mental and physical tension, where 0 represents your most relaxed state and 10 represents your most tense or upset state.

Getting Calm is a method for lowering your tension level to a 4 or below within a few minutes.

There are many methods for relaxing. In order to identify the one that works best for you, consider the following:

1. Do you have previous experience with any relaxation techniques?

Have you taken meditation classes, and if so, did you learn something that works well for you?

Have you been in any stress management training where you learned visualization techniques for relaxation?

What about breathing exercises, perhaps in yoga or elsewhere?

Is listening to music or walking in nature calming for you?

2. If you don’t already have a method that works well for you, try these simple strategies:

Belly Breathing: The goal is to focus on expanding your diaphragm rather than your chest with each breath. Place your hand on your stomach, right above your navel. Inhale slowly through your nose so that your abdomen pushes your hand outward. Exhale through your mouth so that your abdomen deflates under your hand. Repeat this exercise slowly and deliberately for several minutes with your eyes closed.

Counting Backwards: Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, expanding your diaphragm. As you inhale, silently say the number “15” to yourself. Exhale through your mouth, and silently say a word/phrase of your choosing, such as “relax,” “I am calm,” or “peace.” On your next inhale, say “14”, and repeat your word/phrase as you exhale. Continue to count backwards toward 0, inhaling slowly on each number while repeating your chosen word or phrase as you exhale.

Visualization: Choose a memory that evokes strong feelings of relaxation for you (e.g. a walk along a beach, a hike in the woods, lying in a hammock). Close your eyes and slow down your breathing. Recall the memory as vividly as possible, experiencing it as if you are there again. Notice all aspects of the memory: the sights, sounds, smells, and physical sensations such as warmth or coolness.

SECOND: CLAIM YOUR STRATEGY

It is crucial that you find a specific strategy that works for you.

Why?

You’re a Beginner right now. You’re learning a new way to change.

The moment when you are surprised and flooded by a Steadiness problem is NOT the time to figure out how to Get Calm. Having a familiar strategy allows you to stick with your plan rather than inadvertently veering off course.

THIRD: PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE

Once you’ve claimed a strategy for Getting Calm, practice it using the 0–10 rating scale described above. It’s simple:

1. Sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and turn your attention inward. Notice how tense you feel from head to toe.

2. Rate your level of tension from 0–10.

3. Use your chosen Get Calm strategy for several minutes.

4. Re-rate your tension level from 0–10.

5. If your tension level is not a ‘4’ or below, continue for a few minutes longer and rate it again.

6. Be patient with yourself as you practice and remember to adopt a Beginner Mindset!

Where The Rubber Meets The Road

Take a moment to revisit the scenario described at the beginning of this post:

WHAT IF your reaction went something like this: “Wow! What happened to my good mood? One second I’m entertaining the idea of being a hero, the next I’m thinking of myself as a loser! Seeing that picture totally threw me for a loop — I am REALLY facing a STEADINESS PROBLEM — and I’m at an ‘8’ out of 10! Time to Get Calm before I do anything else!”

Right there, sitting at the computer, you close your eyes, and spend 5 minutes using your Get Calm strategy. When you’re finished and you open your eyes, you rate your level of mental and physical tension as a ‘3.’

The idea of giving up on your plan has faded into the background — and willpower wasn’t needed. You haven’t abandoned your quest, or yourself….OR the possibility of being a hero.

Can you feel the impact of Getting Calm?

If so, take some time to identify your own personal Get Calm strategy. Practice it for a few days to make sure it’s a good fit for you.

Then read on to learn about the rest of the 3-part Steadiness sequence.