School That Always Picks Loser Chooses Clinton as Winner

SELLERSVILLE, PA — Every four years over the past three decades, students at Sellersville Elementary School in Sellersville, PA have held schoolwide mock presidential elections. And, in each election, the candidate whom the school picked as the winner went on to lose in the U.S. elections.

This week, Sellersville Elementary has elected Hillary Clinton as the next U.S president.

“We are proud of our mock presidential elections record regardless of the outcome,” Second-Grade Teacher Mrs. Hughes said. “Although we haven’t always gotten it right, we try harder than those who actually are able to vote. That’s what really matters.”

Hughes says that because of the various anomalies involved in this year’s race between Mrs. Clinton and Donald Trump, she believes her school has accurately predicted the outcome.

“Polling from both our first grade and second-grade classes has consistently shown Mrs. Clinton ahead by wide margins. During the polling process, students asked lunch ladies, crossing guards, and siblings various questions to determine what most people are thinking. We are confident their answers reveal the mood of the electorate.”

Sellersville Elementary is part of the Pennridge School District. The district represents a 98 percent caucasian population with 95 percent of households having incomes exceeding $80,000 per year.

Mrs. Hughes confirmed during a press conference that no tax dollars were used to fund the school’s mock presidential elections.