I was raped. And it didn’t change how I dressed or where I went or who I trusted. How come?
Because nobody ever told me it was meant to. Nobody convinced me that my body could be soiled in some permanent way, and thus I never handed the power to ‘taint’ me to anybody else.
Being raped isn’t fun, especially not when it’s forcible and anal the way mine was. But I was only sore for maybe a week, and after that…well, what was the point in being upset? I was bullied as a kid in school, and I’ve spent more than a week at a time sore from that.
Plus, I fought back. I guess there’s some reassurance in knowing that when it comes down to it, I can bench-press an 80kg guy (there’s no motivation like an unwanted dick in the arse). And maybe that’s why nobody has pushed past my boundaries since. Because I’m not afraid, and predatory people know I won’t make good prey.
I would suggest you let go of your fear, too. The worst that can happen is nothing changes, but you’re no longer scared. The best that can happen is that people treat you like a human rather than an opportunity. Try it, it’s fun.