How Often Should You Ejaculate?

Several times a week, either via email or in a session, men ask me, ‘How often should I ejaculate?’ Tricky question really. Each man is different — his body, his energy levels, his desires, what works for him. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this. And what works for you will change and evolve throughout your life.

I think it’s much more important to ask better questions. How about these:

  • Where is my awareness, my consciousness when I ejaculate?
  • What am I focusing on or thinking about when I ejaculate?
  • What ‘seeds’ do I want to plant in my life?
  • What ideas do I want to fertilize in my life?
  • Am I ejaculating with presence or shame?
  • Am I really seeking orgasm rather than ejaculation?
  • What are my needs and desires right now?
  • How does my body feel?
  • What else could I do with all this arousal?
  • How does this ejaculation serve me today?
  • What do I want in this moment?

Rather than focusing on how often one ejaculates, how about focusing on the quality and consciousness of the ejaculation?

Being conscious about your ejaculation, whenever it happens, has the potential to be life-changing. It can bring more pleasure, more expansion, more presence, more connection and intimacy. It has the potential to help you break free from your addiction to immediate gratification, which ultimately leaves you unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

It is a hugely important step in a man’s journey to realize that mindlessly quenching desire with an unconscious ejaculation is not going to lead to the feeling he ultimately desires. Feelings of connection, intimacy, love and of course, pleasure.

Every man instinctively knows that his sexual energy, his arousal, has the capacity to connect him to something deeper, to his own soul, to a higher truth.

I know that sometimes you’re not looking to ‘connect to the Infinite Oneness’, or to have a ‘mega cosmic experience’, you just want help to fall asleep or a little cheeky pleasure in the shower. That’s fantastic! And you can still bring your consciousness to the experience. You can still choose what you’re thinking about or what you’re focusing on as you ejaculate. You can still bring your full presence and awareness to your experience.

Sexual energy is very powerful stuff. It creates life after all! So when you are aroused and thinking about something, you are sending energy to the thing you are thinking about. Rather than sending out this magnificent energy haphazardly, why not harness it for your own growth and expansion?

Here are some things you can do to get more conscious about your ejaculation:

  1. Get present — learn to listen to your body, its needs and desires.
  2. Be honest with yourself about what you’re choosing.
  3. Learn how to separate orgasm and ejaculation — so you have more choice.
  4. Learn how to surrender to and ride the waves of arousal and pleasure rather than tense up and chase the ejaculation.
  5. Learn how to practice ejaculation as a spiritual experience.
  6. Learn how to use your ejaculation for magick and ritual.
  7. Let go of shame around your cum/semen/ejaculate. It is not a ‘mess’ or something to apologize for as I have heard so often from men. It is the sacred and divine nectar of life!
  8. Be aware that what you’re thinking about or focusing on when you ejaculate becomes energized and choose wisely.
  9. Learn and practice new ways to be with your arousal so that ejaculation is a choice rather than inevitable.
  10. Come for a session and let’s explore your options together.