Shut up already: Silence the criticizers, complainers and doubters
We’ve all got them. Those voices that criticize, complain or cast doubt upon ourselves. Those inner realms of consciousness can really sap our energy, bring us down and stifle our personality. The voices say things like:
“I can’t do anything right. What’s wrong with me?”
“Why does everything bad happen to me? Life isn’t fair.”
“There’s no way I can achieve that! I’m not capable.”
Keep in mind, there’s a difference between helpful and unhelpful negative thoughts. Sometimes self-reflection and doubt can lead to personal growth and achieving goals, if it’s specifically applied to examining a particularly situation or behavior in an effort to improve. But if the thoughts are free-flowing, generic and unconstructive like the statements above, then they’re just holding you back.
Most of us follow negativity patterns. Our voices and thoughts turn ugly at typical times or in typical situations. Maybe they occur most frequently and loudly when we’re not at our best. Maybe we’re tired, stressed or have experienced a string of unfortunate events that chip away at our self-confidence or sense of personal balance.
Often, keeping a journal about these thoughts can be very helpful in learning to move past them. When self-criticism, complaining, or doubtful thoughts fill your head, jot down the day and time, what prompted the thoughts, what exactly your thoughts said, and details about your health like lack of sleep or poor food choices. After recording a handful of these situations, review and analyze them to determine your particular pattern or triggers.
Don’t worry if it takes more than a few, just keep at it until something clicks for you. Sometimes, just making connections between patterns, triggers and thoughts is enough to help short-circuit future situations or quell the negativity. Some people need more of a strategy after identifying their pattern, a way to facilitate change in their thought processes.
Changing your thought habits starts with recognizing that the thoughts you’re having do not represent reality. Instead, they’re just our interpretation of the event or situation. Then, simply acknowledge the thoughts your having. Avoid criticizing your critical, complaining or doubtful thoughts. This just adds fuel to the fire and gives them a reason to stick around.
After that, there are many ways to tackle change. The For Dummies folks suggest visualizing a stop sign in your mind and replacing your negative thought with a pre-determined replacement thought of something positive or constructive. Then, this trick is repeated every time the negative thought pops up until it eventually stops happening.
Another method transforms a vague negative thought like “I can’t do anything right” into something more constructive to help process the situation like “I didn’t do that task very well because I’m tired and distracted, and now I just want to go home and go to bed”. Walking yourself through the cause and effect prompts more constructive thinking and leads to being proactive about finding solutions instead of wasting energy scolding yourself.
An even more advanced method involves converting the negative thought into a positive thought about the same situation. If it starts as “I’m so terrible at keeping up with my friends. Why do they even like me?”, that could become “Remember that time you sent Becky flowers because her cat died? That was very thoughtful and made her feel better.”
If none of these methods particularly aspires you, search the internet for ways to quiet negative thoughts, self-criticism and doubt. Plenty of suggestions will appear. Remember, it can take a while to establish new patterns. Even basic habits sometimes take six weeks to firm up. Thoughts and attitude are more intense of a project than new exercise routines or eating healthy.
Speaking of which, while sculpting your new thought habits, take care of yourself. Sleep, eat and exercise adequately, plus do things you enjoy. Taking care of your basic needs helps keep your sense of self in balance.
— Embrace hope.
What is your particular brand of negative thoughts — self-criticism, complaining, doubting or another? When do these internal voices speak the most loudly?
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Rebounz: a start-up with a mission to instill hope in people experiencing mental health struggles around self-worth, grief or uncertainty. www.rebounz.com Want to receive updates? Join our mailing list.
