How to survive a breakup, the healthy way

Relationship breakups happen for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s expected because the relationship has been troubled for some time. Sometimes, though, it was totally unexpected and catches you by surprise, hitting like a ton of bricks because you thought everything was fine.

A couple of information designers, David McCandless and Lee Byron put together some interesting graphics that explore the reasons relationships fail, when they’re most likely to do so, and even the method of breakup above or below the age of 30. One interpretation of McCandless and Byron’s infographics? A Turkish couple in their 40’s is most likely breaking up in-person due to infidelity.

Regardless of how a breakup unfolds, it can be difficult to deal with the aftermath. Occasionally, a little coaching and support helps us navigate such a stressful time in our life. Below are excerpts adapted from Rebounz’ A Guide to Surviving Heartbreak that remind it’s often difficult when a relationship ends because it affects our past, present, and future:

· The Past. You remember your first meeting, falling in love, having your friends and family meet your new partner, the decision to date exclusively, and so on. Those memories come back sharply during a break-up and you might feel a longing to repair those now broken hopes and wishes. Thinking of a reunion with your partner stirs up the fantasy of returning to the honeymoon of early love which, sadly, almost never happens.

· The Future. A breakup brings the end to your vision of the future such as plans to move in with your partner, the wedding you envisioned, the names for your children, and building a life together. Those future experiences end with the relationship, which brings disappointment and perhaps a longing to make those plans possible again.

· The Present. The most significant impacts of a breakup are felt in your present life. Your partner called you each day, saw you for dinner during the week, and spent the weekends in your apartment. Now you can’t text them a joke you heard or report a success at work. If you were living with your partner, you may have to find a new place to live or they may move out of a home you created together. These details of life that previously seemed mundane, may now seem so important when they’re gone or in flux.

This multi-temporal affect is why heartbreaks impact us so significantly and we’re often tempted to return to our ex and “try again”. It’s important to remember there is no right or wrong way to feel and the process healing is different for everyone. Suddenly being alone and adapting to a single life seems impossible and intolerable, but it’s important to embrace the changes and mourn the lost relationship before you can successfully attempt a new one.

Rebounz’ A Guide to Surviving Heartbreak explains what we experience (and why) in the time period after a breakup, provides helpful suggestions on coping at each stage, and will be released to the public soon. To receive updates on its release, click the link in the signature below and sign up for the mailing list.

— Embrace hope.

What are some things you’ve learned about yourself from dealing with a breakup? What has helped you cope with a breakup?

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Rebounz: a start-up with a mission to instill hope in people experiencing mental health struggles around self-worth, grief or uncertainty. www.rebounz.com Want to receive updates? Join our mailing list.