Why I love looking at landscapes

My favorite kind of vacation involves places I can look at for a long time. I like getting lost in the beauty of tumultous mountains, the rolling sea, geneours forests and deserted sandy fields.

I wonder how they came to be the way they are now. What are the shapes and shadows that live in them. I think of how many details I can name to describe them, which adjectives could capture them better, what are the smallest bits – the units where they begin and end.

I am fortunate enough to have traveled to some breathtaking places in the world. Looking back, I try to identify what is it about landscapes that make me feel so at ease, why do they make the best canvas to have profound realizations or simply achieve the blank state of mind that is so impossible to have elsewhere.

Landscapes remind us of beauty. We do nothing for it, it just insistently exists. And it gradually changes as the clouds move from one side to the other, as the sun goes up or down. The elements that dance through time provide an endless source of inspiration and invite the mind to become of the same nature.

The world is a reflection of mind. My eyes cannot capture the completeness of a sky, an ocean, a horizon. My mind cannot process and keep these images. Whatever I am able to remember always falls short to what my feelings bring back.

Landscapes invite us to be fully present. There is no story running, no judgement, just kindness. The cleanest, shiniest mirror. It is by looking at beautiful things that we can seize that the beauty is indeed in the eyes of the beholder.

Why isn’t it possible to look at the rest of world in the same way? How can I look at an enemy and feel the richness of a landscape? What do I think and believe that will throw me off of that realization?

People are not landscapes. They judge, critize, upset and sadden me. I get disappointed when they don’t give me what I want. They scare me when they are trying to be in control. I try to find ways to run away from them, and my mind goes to find a place where I can sit without their voices, where I can be myself, be beautiful and vast without their opinion or consent.

I love looking at landscapes because I am reminded of how my mind is when I am not inflicting stories upon the world. I reset myself to a state in which I can start being kinder and more aware of my feelings. I disconnect to rebooth.

Right now I am facing three very stressful months of work before I finish my master’s degree. All I see is the library and my flat. The cafeteria, this computer screen, letters in books, Facebook, classmates complaining. All wrapped in the coldness of March in Estonia. I have some amazing landscapes a ride away, but I am unable to go there and disconnect from what I think are my responsibilities.

I long for a landscape. I long to see myself again as clean and beautiful, not flawed, stupid, unresolved and lost. How can I transform my life right now to emulate that feeling? Should I even try?

What I love about looking at landscapes is that the thought of them gives me the awareness that not only I am looking at something beautiful, I am the creator. I am the landscape.

Can people look at me and feel the way I feel when I’m gazing at the distance? Can they see in me what I see in the world?

Can I love them until they do?

That is a sight I really don’t want to miss.