Success & Disappointment: A Dancer’s Wisdom

The penetrating smell of self-tanning lotion rises through my jeans. I’m on a train to Bonn, Germany, leaning back comfortably with my coffee and my iPad. On the rack above me lies my suitcase. It contains my dance shoes and my solo dress – some of the few things I couldn’t live without.

Tomorrow I’ll be wearing both the shoes and the dress, together with a surreal amount of makeup, a curly wig and three layers of tanning lotion on my legs, and I’ll be standing in front of three people who are there to judge me.

Doesn’t sound like a comfortable situation at all, and let me tell you: it isn’t. Also, there’s always one misplaced bobby pin that feels like it’s trying to stab your brain.

And yet, there’s no event in the world where I’d rather be than at an Irish dance competition. Because it’s not only a competition – it is a festival, a celebration of Irish dancing, a get-together of people who are all equally crazy about this crazy dance form.

Big Expectations

Expectations are a huge part of any competition. Usually, there are both internal and external expectations. In my case, both are high. Ever since I won 4th place at the European Championships this year, I believe I could make it to the top (in a few years, and only if I work hard, of course).

So do my teachers. Thus, internal and external expectations match. The question is: What if I don’t fulfil them?

The weird thing about it is that I would rather disappoint my own expectations, not those of my teachers. Conversely, my teachers would probably be much less disappointed than I would be in myself.

Irish dance competitions (and any other competition where you don’t win any money) aren’t about winning. They’re about making progress, about staying motivated, and – most importantly – about having fun. And yet, saying that I don’t want to win would be a lie.

Reaching the top 5 at the European Championships aroused my ambitions. If I can make top 5 at the Europeans, I should be able to make top 3 at the Germans.

But you never know what happens on the day…

The Magic of Disappointment

Just like saying I don’t want to win would be a lie, saying I don’t care if I don’t win would be a lie, too. There’s a human tendency to define some kind of threshold which defines whether we’re satisfied or disappointed.

At the German Championships in November, my threshold is top 3. I will be 100% satisfied if I get top 3. Winning 1st place would just be the icing on the cake. But if I get 4th or anything below, I will be disappointed and there’s nothing I can do against it.

You can’t stop yourself from being disappointed. It’s an emotion; you can’t just push it away. Even if you know your disappointment is ridiculous (winning 4th place at the Germans would still be a major achievement and also, 2 places better than I was last year), you can’t block the negative feelings.

But that’s just for the initial disappointment. When we’re unsuccessful, a first emotional reaction will hit us, no matter what we or others say to cheer us up. It’s natural.

In fact, it’s a good thing. It’s what motivates us to try even harder the next time. Without the occasional disappointment, there would be no progress.