Resilience

In life everybody must face adversity. The distinction between those that choose to overcome adversity and those that choose to surrender to it is called resilience. I chose to face and overcome adversity. I was taught at a young age that parents, teachers, and other figures of authority should protect and teach me. I was taught that adults should set an example of right and wrong. When I was six years old I lost my childhood. It was stolen by a parent in denial and a god-brother who stripped me of my clothes, my innocence, and ultimately my sense of morality.

My god-brother raped me daily for a year. I told my mother about the abuse but she refused to believe me. The rape continued and the hate and resentment toward my mother increased. For years, I secretly lived in misery and began to hate life.

When I was thirteen I contemplated taking my life. I was a gifted student, whom many would regularly describe as happy and beautiful. Despite the marks and scars on my spirit a smile always graced my face. I was good at hiding the pain and depression. However, I felt helpless and powerless and did not believe my life would change.

I began to fight my peers and my mother, and I became disrespectful. A suicide attempt landed me in a mental hospital. I became comfortable in the institution; safety, attention, and security blanketed its hallways. I continued to self-destruct to prolong my stay in the facility. I hated life at home; my life was better in the hospital. I was placed in a longer-term institution, where I went to school on campus and stayed out of trouble. I was fifteen years old when I was released and I believed I changed. I was sent to a foster home because my mother didn’t want me at home. After a fight with my foster sister, I ran away from the foster home. My social worker found me on the streets and I went back to the hospital. Over five months, as I waited for a place to live, I laughed, cried, and evaluated my life with the help of some wonderful people. I talked, I purged, I made amends and I forgave. I struggled everyday, physically and mentally to be a better person. I wanted to be mentally and emotionally free. I was tired of the person I had become. I was ready to let go of all the pain, hurt and anger if someone would just tell me how. After five months I was placed in a Catholic facility in Erie, PA. I didn’t like being so far from Philadelphia. As the weeks passed I stayed in bed determined to sleep away the time. I refused to eat or drink and spent my days sleeping and crying. The caseworker there started to discuss returning me to a mental hospital. I overheard some of my peers talking about how terrible the hospital was and decided I no longer wanted that for myself. For a year I excelled in the school and therapy program there. I learned many things about myself and faced some of my deepest fears. I became the leader I was destined to be and realized that through all of my hardships, I survived and my spirit came out unscathed. I am now who many thought I couldn’t be and who many didn’t expect me to be. I am a resilient person, determined, and taking control of my life by using the gifts God has given me for good purposes. Resilience is the choice between life and death. We are all faced with hardships and struggles, however when we give in to them they begin to control our lives in a negative way. I chose resilience, and in turn, I chose to live.