Beating the Elite Four MONTHS after the game came out — a memoir

René Castro
Jul 22, 2017 · 3 min read

I did an awesome thing this morning. I beat the Elite Four in my copy of Pokemon Sun. It felt great. It’s meaningless at this point. The game came out last November. But here I am.

I hopped back into the game and my Alolan Raichu was sitting on its tail looking like I killed his mom. Fed that bitch a rainbow berry and he cheered up like he didn’t remember a thing. That’s right little buddy, you’re coming with me. We have unfinished business.

I don’t know why I waited months to challenge the Elite Four. I think I didn’t feel ready back in January. What a wimp I was. Maybe it’s because I’m accustomed to being 10+ levels above my opponents at all times.

ALL TIMES.

But I threw caution to the wind. But it was a headwind. That shit blew up in my face. I was popping max revives like Lance Armstrong was doping. They were my life blood. It was embarrassing.

I think eventually my Pokemon got tired of being jerked back and forth between the sweet release of nothingness and “OKAY JUST USE- USE JUST YOUR UH, PSYCHIC. PSYCHIC SMASH.”

At one point my Decidueye fainted and I kid you not, he looked back at me like “Can I die instead please?” And I was like “Man you and me both.”

And let’s talk about this fuck up for a second:

Man, Turtanator I love you and I sought you out for a reason but you gotta learn how to pull for the team my dude. You’re a fire type and you took a One Hit Knock Out from Blizzard.

You fainted from Blizzard. That shit shouldn’t even tickle you. It’s snowflakes. It’s cold wind hitting you broad-face. You don’t pass out from that. You shoot flames out of your damn mouth.

Anyway despite the shortcomings we won. Here’s the A-team:

It feels pointless to beat the Elite Four after waiting so long, and months after the game’s release. Especially in such a lackluster fashion.

I didn’t beat them in a speed run. I didn’t beat them in a “No-items” challenge. I didn’t beat them in a “Use the Weakest ‘Mons” challenge.

It feels so empty.

Existential

I remember beating the Elite Four when I was a kid, and it was life-changing. I told all my friends at school about it, and I’d show them my team and we’d talk about it. I felt tall on the playground. I felt big in the lunch room. Now, it’s just a thing I sent on Snapchat.

It’s that 90’s nostalgia hitting me, I guess.

René Castro

Written by

Writing about beer, storytelling, manhood, and culture. Yell at me on Twitter: @Rene4591

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