My imaginary friend really messed me up as a kid

René Castro
Aug 28, 2017 · 2 min read

When I was growing up, I did shitty things. All kids do shitty things. It’s our first time being told no, it’s our first time bopping our heads on things, it’s our first time having a cat jump on our face. Give us a break.

You know who’s not into giving breaks? Mexican mom’s. I had one of those. I also had a grandma that lived with us. So that’s Mexican mom x2. So I got no breaks. You know what I got?

An imaginary friend.

His name was/is Panchito (I say “is” because he still haunts me but we’ll get to that).

Now my more cultured readers will remember that Panchito is Donald Duck’s friend, who’s full name is Panchito Romero Miguel Junipero Francisco Quintero González III. That’s a whack-ass name. No Latino or Mexican I know has a name that long. That gets weeded out in elementary school. I’d like to see you try and bubble that name into a scantron. It’s not happening.

Plus, this isn’t the Panchito we are talking about. My Panchito didn’t wave guns around and cause mischief. My Panchito was good. Too good…

See, Panchito was a perfect little boy. And he was always better than me.

If I got A’s and B’s on my report card, he got straight A’s.

If I took out the trash, he cleaned the whole bathroom.

If I got perfect attendance, Panchito cured cancer.

Was it healthy? Hell no. But I’m sure that someone somewhere would tell me that this probably instilled some sort of entrepreneurial drive to always strive to be better at blah blah blah.

Look, if you’re a parent, don’t give your kids a panchito. Parents do this in lots of different ways. Setting a high bar for your kids is fine, but let them reach it every now and then. Let them feel what success feels like.

Now I have to get back to work, Panchito’s responded to all his emails already.


Rene Castro is an amateur professional writer and a recreational charlatan. Panchito’s footer is better than his. Yell at him on Twitter: @Rene4591

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René Castro

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Writing about beer, storytelling, manhood, and culture. Yell at me on Twitter: @Rene4591

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