A Letter To My Sons
An incomplete essay as I navigate raising boys
Boys . . .
You know I love you very much. You know I have tried to be an example of gentle, loving, kind, and respectful in my words and actions. I have done my absolute best to honor your independence and still be your guide towards adulthood. Sometimes I’ve been graceful, more often not. For those times that I have failed, I am sorry. Please extend your forgiveness, I made my choices based on life in the moment. Just as this letter is a one frame of a life long movie.
I want you both to share your life with a person that has the same Divinely inspired qualities I have. That isn’t ego talking but rather a mom who loves her son more than anything — I want you to feel that Divinely inspired love from your spouse.
The tricky part
is that we live in a world where men and women are confused about what is important. Men often think they need the expensive car, the big house, the money in the bank — so that is what they chase. What they miss is having a heart exploding with love for life.
You need to focus on your blessings — no matter how big, how small, how long they last — a rainbow across the lake while we are sitting on the boat last a few minutes BUT the memory of that has lasted years. Or perhaps sitting on a white bench in a mall. Those moments are memories of love and compassion. That is a gift — you can’t acquire it. What you can do is have a mindset that is open to seeing/feeling/embracing the joy in each moment.
You worry about you — something I say all the time but so true. Start with you, when your foundation is solid then you can add to your house. That addition would be a partner.
Who do you want to partner with?
This is the tricky part — many girls and women think their value comes from external sources as well. They think if they wear the latest fashion from the best store with the best make up — if they show the world how pretty they are . . . they don’t realize that pretty is fleeting with the latest styles.
Or they may try to entice men by being overly sexual. The clothes to attract a man’s eyes — which always works because men are often visual. There are statistics/myths that men think about sex every 7 seconds, I find that hard to believe. What I do know, men notice women and it is up to the women to decide what men notice. And often women want to be noticed by men — they just don’t know how to do it. Women want to be loved, honored, adored, and to feel worthy — some of that you can offer but she also needs to feel it herself.
The glitch is she may not understand that to be a woman of God (Divinely Inspired) — a woman who serves and honors people, the earth, plants and animals, a woman who is filled with the Holy Spirit leaving a trail of happiness . . . women don’t grow up understanding how amazing they are just because God created them — they think they need to do something to get noticed.
Your job, my talented sons, is to show women what it is like to be honored. Show women what it is like to be loved — above all else. The bible has incredible stories of how followers show their love for Jesus, how God shows his love and guidance, Jesus died — he chose to die as his way of showing his love — a love that deep.
How will you show women you love them and respect them:
- When you look at them — see the light of God in them.
- Understand that kissing, holding hands, sex are physical ways God has given us to show love and respect. When you kiss a girl, you are not kissing her for your pleasure but a unified pleasure. This is important — that spark you feel when you see a girl — a girl that stands out for some reason — that is the spark of God in her attracting her to you. God puts us together — you will know. You will also know the difference when you kiss a girl for your own pleasure . . .
- Listen to her. Affirm her. Believe in her. Never ever degrade her. Women want you to be their rock and in turn they will make you feel so strong you can move mountains. You are two working as one. Treat her as I have treated you, treat her as God treats his church, treat her as Jesus shows compassion, love and acceptance. Treat her as YOU want to be treated.
- Practice humbleness. A humble heart shows her your strength and courage.
- Tell her how you feel. Tell her how you appreciate her. Silence kills intimacy.
I’m no expert on how to be a Divinely Inspired woman, I’m learning as I go. Everyone I know is learning as they go — extending grace is vitally important.
In today’s world is is easy to lose sight of what is honorable.
We love country songs because having a truck, a good woman/man and a dog is as good as it gets on some days.
Every Mom wants her kids to be happy which really means to be loved and accepted whole heartedly. I need to do this for myself and then extend outward.
“Is that gentle, loving, kind or respectful?” if my kids hear my voice repeating this to them until one day that say it in their own voice . . . then I will have passed the torch of mindfulness.
Parenting is a work in progress.
I write about mindfulness in a life that never stops moving. I attempt to capture these moments in time and find the lesson of mindfulness in each one — it seems like I’m trying to catch the wind. Impossible.
Thank you for reading.