On being a woman in a man’s world…

There’s a common recurring theme I keep encountering that irks me. I see it on television — in “Reality” shows; I see it in actual reality — among my friends and colleagues and I have also been guilty.

What is this you may ask?

It is the unsettling need to settle for less than we deserve as women.

Women are constantly being forced to watch the clock of their lives. You need to be married by this age; you need to have children by that age; you need to have a job by this age; you need to own your home and a car by that age; you need to be a successful career woman or entrepreneur or this newly coined term “mompreneur” by this time. The end result of all this, is a spike in the number of cases of depression and a constant settling for mediocrity for the sake of appearing successful, aka living up to the expectations of others.

There is a particular trend in settling for the wrong men — because our biological clocks are supposedly ticking — and because all our friends or family members are getting married — and because there is a belief that a man is supposed to come riding in on a shiny white horse to save the day. I constantly receive numerous messages throughout the day from women I know who are complaining about being single or from women who have opted to date “with no particular goal in mind” — in an attempt to placate themselves from the disappointment that the guy they are dating isn’t even single and most definitely will not be settling down with them exclusively any time in the near future. There are women who also opt to impregnate themselves out of sheer desperation — or in an attempt to “keep the man”. This saddens me deeply.

But, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we diminish our worth to our relationship status or to our ability to catch and keep a man?

Why aren’t we busying ourselves with the more meaningful task of making a difference in the world? Why aren’t we focused on facing each day with even an ounce of gratitude? Why aren’t we looking for ways to spread joy, love and kindness each day; instead of getting on the treadmill of Catch Him and Keep Him Land?

Another thing I keep seeing is men writing books and blogs and hosting television programs that seek to tell women how they should or should not act because of what men will think of them as a result of them exercising their own freedom of choice and governance over their lives. Random men are being given authority — based solely on the fact that they are men — not on any academic or professional experience — to tell women how to act. Men are trashing women for dressing too provocatively or being too seductive — yet are also echoing lyrics in songs and are all over social media giving thumbs up and encouraging the very same behavior they claim not to condone.

The responsibility falls in our laps as women — to know our worth ourselves and to not rely on public (predominantly male) opinion to drive us to and fro. We need to set our own goals and our own timelines and govern our own behaviors within the constraints of ethics and law, of course, and not be driven by manufactured social constructs.