The Hidden Roots of Infidelity
Unpacking Emotional Intimacy and Its True Impact on Relationships
Sometimes, I read something two or three times to find out what the author is saying. This is especially true when encountering large amounts of psychobabble.
I was reminded of this by reading an article promoting a sixteen-year-old study and book packaged as “The Truth About Cheating.” The author claims that “47 percent of his male clients who have cheated did so because of a lack of emotional intimacy with their partner.”
At first glance, he identifies the lack of emotional intimacy as a driver for affairs. But what does he mean by ‘emotional intimacy’?
In my mind, ‘lack of emotional intimacy’ is the result of choices made earlier in the marriage. Someone has pulled away or withdrawn if he and his wife aren’t close.
Using ‘lack of emotional intimacy’ is also a way of saying needs aren’t being met without blaming anyone. This approach certainly makes you popular since it removes any blame or responsibility for the lack of intimacy.
By assuming the victimhood position, the cheater excuses their actions. This approach focuses on symptoms rather than causes. It focuses on the lack of intimacy rather than how it began or what keeps the distance there.
