Self-Development is Self-Understanding
It’s a new year, with its arrival millions are about to embark upon a journey of self-development.
A journey of reaching towards their greatest aspirations and becoming the person they feel they’re meant to be.
Countless numbers embarking on this journey will also hit obstacles like a freight train headed for a brick wall.
They’ll start strong but end their New Year’s resolutions in a familiar struggle. A process of stumbling, falling, and standing up again; until failure, self-deprecation, and resignation finally take hold.
It won’t be for a lack of determination, grit, desire, or a “why”.
Their failures will come largely from a lack of self-understanding, and an achievable process for getting there.
Since the first day I picked up a barbell I’ve been on the journey of “self-development”. After over a decade of trying, failing, getting close, succeeding, then failing again, I’ve picked up one key lesson:
“Self-Development Is Self-Understanding.”
Anyone in pursuit of their goals will undoubtedly absorb reams of information to that end.
They’ll spend hours reading articles, listening to podcasts, watching interviews, and scanning their Facebook newsfeeds for a slight edge in their war for self-betterment.
But without self-understanding they’ll be taking shots blind-folded.
This is because ultimately, in their research they are learning what works for others; not necessarily what works for them.
…and if what works for the star performer doesn’t work for them, many will start to wonder if something is inherently wrong with them.
They’ll wonder if they even have what it takes to succeed.
Take for example affirmations. Positive self talk towards what one person strives to be (just one definition of hundreds out there).
Affirmations might motivate the faith-oriented person, but that same tactic may cause pain for someone who feels they are deluding themselves.
One man’s potion becomes another man’s poison.
This isn’t a knock against the tactic, I use affirmations myself.
What I’m saying is that you’re going to wade through countless tactics that don’t work for you.
When you do meet failure (a.k.a. being human), I like retired Navy SEAL Officer Jocko Willink’s trademark response of “Good” followed by action steps given the new information.
The crux of what I’m suggesting is that the core of your success is about finding what works for you.
Not what works for Tony Robbins, not what works for Jim Rohn, not what works for Zig Ziglar, or Napoleon Hill, or Brian Tracy.
What works for you.
It’s deceptively simple, but often missed.
Try what works for others, but don’t forget that you’re building a personal philosophy around your own unique circumstances, strengths, and weaknesses.
If something doesn’t work for you, then you keep going until you find something that does.
Self-Understanding or Self-Awareness as Gary Vaynerchuk calls it, is all about understanding what makes you “tick”.
Where your strengths and weaknesses are.
We often get so caught up in looking outward for answers that we forget to look inward.
Looking at what makes us “US”.
I may look dense for writing such a simple realization, but thankfully I’m not writing this for myself.
I’m writing it for the person that has failed continuously despite years of attempts. The person who constantly chalks up their failures to “not being good enough”, “smart enough”, “gifted enough”, or even “self-reliant enough”.
Being human is f*#!ing tough.
The mantra of the successful is often rugged self-reliance.
Yes. Self-reliance is necessary.
Yet so many successful warriors forget the shoulders they stood on to get where they are.
This isn’t a pass saying “it’s not your fault” or that “you’re not responsible for your own success”.
What I am saying is you just haven’t found what works for you yet.
If you’re searching for the right information, no matter how many times you’ve failed, keep going.
Your answers are out there.
Items that have helped me (that might––or might not––help you):
1. Cultivating the discipline to try things even if I’m skeptical
2. Daily meditation through Headspace
3. Daily journalling with Penzu
4. Elliott Hulse’s BioEnergetics Routine
5. The Wim Hof Method (deep oxygenation routine)
6. Tony Robbins’ Priming Routine
7. Hal Elrod’s 6 Minute Miracle Morning
8. James Clear’s Website on Habit Formation and Behavioral Psych
Supplementation (Again not for all):
1. Bulletproof Brain Octane MCT Oil (mental clarity)
2. Bulletproof Glutathione Force (mental clarity)
3. Bulletproof Charcoal Caps (mental clarity if I ate food that left me anxious)
4. Portland Roasting Coffee (self explanatory)
Mental Heuristics and Frameworks:
1. You don’t need infinite discipline, you just need enough discipline to get the habit going. (Paraphrased from The ONE Thing by Gary W. Keller and Jay Papasan)
2. To change how you see yourself, make small choices on a consistent basis and let your actions drive your beliefs. (Paraphrased from James Clear, watch this interview)
3. It isn’t about choosing what you think your “passion” is, it’s about choosing what you’re willing to suffer for. What process can you fall in love with rather than the outcome? E.g. Spending thousands of hours practicing guitar (process) vs becoming a rockstar (outcome). (Paraphrased from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson)
4. Life responds to deserve not need. (From The Power of Ambition Jim Rohn)
5. Don’t personally identify with your emotions, see them for what they are. (Paraphrased from Elliott Hulse)6. If you don’t hear back after a true introduction and follow up. Never assume it is just you, people just get busy. (Paraphrased from Jeremy Weisz)
I could go on, but to beat a dead horse, it’s about finding what works for you.
This is all well and nice, but some may be asking:
“Why should I follow your advice if you aren’t a millionaire”
To which I’d respond:
1. It was a kid who was willing to say the emperor had no clothes.
2. These are tactics and strategies advocated by people with financial success, don’t let my wins or losses sway you. You’ll have to test them yourself.
Go do great things, one step at a time, one day at a time.
“The most important benefit of setting goals isn’t achieving your goal; it’s what you do and the person you become in order to achieve your goal that’s the real benefit.” –Jim Rohn
Post #14 in “10 Minute Writes”; a weekly series where I try to engage with a point of discussion, or problem that I find interesting. New posts every Monday.
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