Dread, Get Out of My Head!

I’m calling Dread out today and commanding it to get out of my head. It doesn’t really matter that Dread has been with me forever, the bottom line is that I have had it up to here with Dread. So, today I am issuing the walking papers, hand delivering the eviction notice and adamantly putting my foot down and saying, Baby, you’ve got to go! But before I go any further let me share a little of the history of me and Dread. (intentional grammatical drift)

Several decades ago I was conceived and then divinely scheduled to arrive seven days after the 4th of July. Truth be told, Dread occupied the womb with me. While I was supposedly developing in maternal bliss and enjoying pre-natal nurturing and nourishing——Dread was lurking and taunting. In plain English, Dread was in my mother’s womb working my last nerve. And please, don’t even get me started about the sounds outside, the voices that were anything but welcoming and then, the weeping. Look, I tried to be still but Dread would stir the water even then. The last thing I wanted to do in the womb was make waves but what the parents would say on the outside Dread would scream in my ear until I shivered in the warmest place I’d ever been. I wanted to scream back, I AM NOT AN ACCIDENT; WHERE I COME FROM PEOPLE TRUST GOD FOR REAL; YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME— THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO DO. THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO DO LIKE MY BIG BROTHER ELISHA AND GET SICK AND DIE SUDDENLY. I WON’T BE ANY TROUBLE, I PROMISE!!!!!!!

It was tense in that womb and Dread never gave me a moment’s rest. Then on that historic day of my birth, Dread swam the channel with me and parked itself right inside my head. Seems like at every pivotal moment of my life since then Dread has been there to remind me that if I take the bold and most excellent road, make the choice that will enable me to truly fulfill my divine destiny, then I can expect to get the same treatment I got in the womb—REJECTION.

It has been a long and tenuous journey with Dread in my head. This week however was Dread’s crowning moment and definitely grounds for eviction. You see, I got an email, a simple request to which I needed to respond with an unequivocal NO. All I needed to do was open my Mac, press reply and type NO in the subject line but I could not do it for the life of me.

Dread had such a hold of me that it didn’t even have to say a word. No, Dread just uttered a non-English guttural sound and I was off and running on my own, fussing vigorously inside my own-self head, stirring my own heartbeat and wrecking my own insides with my fumes. For hours upon hours I walked around with Dread championing the cause of my taking it personally but doing nothing about it. And then it happened.

I cut my early morning prayer time in half and raced to my Mac and sent my reply. I needed no dictionary, no spell check, I simply typed two powerful letters and was done. No polite curtsies, no pleasantries, no hemming, no hawing—-just NO and the deed was done, my new beginning commenced.

Already, it feels like a new day. I know I am in for the fight of my life but I believe that every great journey begins with a first step.


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