What It’s Like To Be in San Quentin Prison For 47 Years

My name is Richard (Bonaroo) Richardson. I am a 42-year-old “second strike” offender at San Quentin State Prison in California. I’m also a father of four and a grandfather of three. The first time I went to prison, I was 18 years old and pled out to a six-year sentence for participating in the shooting of a Modesto police officer. Although I wasn’t the shooter, I now recognize that I was wrong-headed and stupid.

My second crime happened shortly after I was released. I was 24 and had no job skills. Throughout those six years in prison, I never got an education nor did I have any vocational training. The only job I could find was at Jack in the Box. I was overwhelmed with my child support payments. And I felt like a failure, just like my father was. I basically gave up and went back to what I knew how to do best — sell drugs.

My whole world revolved around money. I was wrapped up in it. Eventually, I ended up robbing someone’s home in Modesto for drugs. When I got caught, I was sentenced to 47 years in prison.

I’ve been incarcerated for 18 years now and will be eligible for release at age 65, in 2038. If someone murdered a person today and receive a 25-years-to-life sentence, he would be eligible for parole before I get out of prison, even if I were to earn time credit for good behavior.

The worst thing about prison is not being able to support my family. In 2013, I lost my wife, and I wasn’t there. My oldest son is in the army, and he’s having a tough time. He doesn’t have anybody. If I were able to get out, I would be there for him, to help him emotionally.

I was used to violence as a child. My father was very abusive. He never taught us to take responsibility for our actions. I remember sneaking out of the house late one night with my mother when I was six years old. My father was passed out drunk on the couch. We pushed the car up the driveway so that the sound of the engine wouldn’t wake him up.

I really wanted things to be different with my family, and I hate that I am not a presence in my children’s lives. They live in Los Angeles and come to visit when they can. I have one daughter who I haven’t seen since she was four years old. Now she’s in her 20s.

When I came to prison, I was angry. But I decided that I had to change. For the past 18 years, I’ve worked hard to rehabilitate myself. I completed several self-help programs, a vocational trade, an Associate’s degree in Liberal Arts and am working toward a Bachelor’s degree. I am the Vice-President of a social justice group called Alliance for Change, a mentor to children in the advocacy group SQUIRES, and the Design Editor for a newspaper aimed towards rehabilitation, the San Quentin News.

I had a chance to talk to the victims of the crimes, and they forgave me. I was really shocked. I didn’t ask for forgiveness, but I knew I needed to apologize. Emotional damage lasts longer than anything else.

Despite what people might think about me, I’m not a killer. I never had that much hate. I was always too scared. And I never had a chance to learn anything different.