Sarah, I nearly screenshoted each of your illustrations. The one where “I went too far” hit hard. I felt every image was me. I have an innate ability to destroy myself internally. That in turn manifests itself in external interactions with the world around me. It’s a vicious cycle. I feel hurt by X. I internalize X and make it my fault (it may or may not be my fault). I tack on Y and Z and blow it out of the water. I then beat myself mercilessly into a pulp that is no longer recognizable. I am my own worst enemy. Why? I have no idea. Well I do, but we won’t get into that here.
I am having a conversation with a friend about how to lead one’s life from a place of love rather than fear. Sadly, some days I feel so worthless and so fed up with the world around me, that the love I want to lead with his drowned by fear. I’d like to get to the place where I love myself 24/7/365. I don’t want to love myself because of an accomplishment or something reached or achieved. I would like to love myself unconditionally. Not lead and live from a place of hate and disgust. I hope to get there.