I Hate Gendered Clothing

Disclaimer: I’m writing from the perspective of a nonbinary, queer person. My experiences with clothing and how society tags them with gender roles is very different from what a binary transgender person would face. I do not speak for transgender people or anyone who identifies within a binary gender and feels more comfortable using society’s gender tagging of clothes because they want to pass. I do not mean to disrespect or invalidate that. These are merely my personal experiences as a nonbinary person who struggles with how society tags clothes with gender roles. ❤

I hate feeling like my gender identity is invalidated once I wear clothes that are “not for my gender.” Even though I’m nonbinary, there’s days where I feel more like a boy, or more like a girl. I worry that when people see me wear a skirt, or when people see me “passing” as a binary gender, that they secretly think I’m a fake queer. Dress in what society deems mostly “female” clothes? Fake queer! Dress in what society deems mostly “male” clothes but add a purse and lipstick to the mix? It still feels like I’m toeing the line with what society expects from me there in terms of masculine gender presentation.

Maybe those worries are just silly and paranoid. I don’t know. There’s days where I hesitate to present as anything other than male because it seems like the mere act of putting on a skirt will automatically scream FEMALE to anyone who sees me. But just because I put on a skirt, it doesn’t automatically mean I’m a girl on that given day. Same for “male” clothes. Just because I put on a suit and tie sometimes doesn’t automatically mean I’m a boy on that particular day.

(Gender is complicated. Figuring out how to adhere to society’s standards for it, or how to break free from such standards, is sometimes a lot harder to deal with.)

Today, I’m wearing a skirt, my sparkly engagement ring, and a tank top. I’m read as female, even though that might not be what I’m going for today. (I’m floating in that space between male and female.) People (including my partner) are referring to me as “she” and calling me a woman. It still feels like of weird, like the female gender is a square box and I’m the queer round peg that can’t quite be nailed properly into it. (Yes, I know my analogies suck. Moving on.) But I’m not in the mood to correct people today. Not only because I’m not out to most of them, but because I’m obviously struggling a lot with my own self-perception. I can’t correct people if I’m not quite sure who I am today.

So…yeah. Gender is weird. Dealing with gender expectations regarding presentation from society is hard. Deep down, no matter what other parts of my mind think, I know that my gender/s is valid no matter how I dress. Wearing a skirt doesn’t automatically make me a girl unless I want it to. A combination of clothing and accessories that are deemed “boys’” and “girls’” by society is still a valid choice of appearance. I’m this queer/genderfuck/nonbinary human who is fabulous, beautiful, and handsome no matter what.

Now if only I could remember that when I start doubting myself again.