The Walk Down Memory Lane
Was physically strolling down memory lane today. Each time I revisit my birth town which I’ve later, also, returned to twice; I experience old memories and feelings. All far from pleasant. That’s kind of the thing.. I mostly associate this town with some of the most difficult times I’ve yet experienced in my life.
The further I am walking down this path of memories, the more intense does my feelings get and the more real does my thoughts become. This stream and the walk along side it that I’ve just glanced upon as I’ve passed so many times, that I this time, because time is allowing me to; now am walking on. This is my physical walk down memory lane.
Guided by my memories I am taken off the path towards a housing complex close enough to view from that stream. Excited and at the same time I’m wondering how I will react ones reaching the destination. Finding myself walking towards the street where we used to live and as I approach I see my younger self, around 10, outside on the yard and I’m filled with compassion for this young girl as well as sadness. The terrible evil that this child had to endure, why didn’t anyone help her? My younger self is a person that I want to protect from harm but I wasn’t there when harm was being done. I’m actually sad and in tears as I think about this poor girl, standing there still.. watching myself.. her. I feel so sorry for that child, as I would any child subject to abuse.
I wanted to enter the house but the gate is sealed off for unknown reason. I felt the desire to walk up those stairs and see the door.. the door to hell. I just wanted to see it. Our door. Actually feeling kind of raged and what I’d really like to do is force it open, protect this little girl and put a stop to what she had to live with.
Instead I continue walking and different memories appear whith each small distance that I make. Remembering things I’ve forgotten... there’s the school, and the field I used to fly kite on, there’s the chestnut tree. As I have these mental images, memories, I am also experiencing rich feelings inside. It‘s as if my feelings have memories that they are recollecting.
I am taking much with me from this walk as I leave towards the subway and continue my day. Much is still being processed and I have yet to reach the moment I feel that I can put this experience in the past. It is 10 pm and I know that as I lay to sleep in a few moments of time... this will be on my mind laying with my head on the pillow and trying to empty my mind to successfully fall sleep.
Love & Peace, to all.
