12/25/2015 Christmas Day

Entry by: Phillip O’Donnell

Christmas day and what do I have to say? I speak currently on the matters before me, those things the eyes cannot avoid. Namely, Alexander and our experiences together so far. The experiences have bottomless pits of wisdom and infinitely shallow assumptions. The dichotomy of highs and lows brings about great diversity and propels me through my own evolution at a remarkable speed. As written before (in my How I feel this Morning), the world constantly turns upside down, realigns itself, and then sends me tumbling once more in a never ending cycle. This is what I live for.

Last night we meditated and spoke on those divine thoughts that flood our minds at such fantastic opportunities. I could not help bringing uncomfortable subjects to the forefront to confront. Alexander and I both became uncomfortable as those poignant words slid off the tongue and floated to rest in our ears, but this was a moment for growth I could not deny. Alexander, such a strong man, gave himself to the flow of reality and joined me in my moment of relentless growth.

All growth, I find, originates in the facing of fears until only ethereal remnants remain, much like the protein scaffolding of organs, to remind me of thoughts once had and how far I have come. Thus, I brought forth my fears of Alexander: is he an addict, a deadbeat, will he hinder me, and is he taking advantage of me in some way? Oh yes, I broke a multitude of social protocols, perhaps to an excess, but something inside told me this was the best method of elucidating reality amongst my delusions. Certainly, this method elicits discomfort in both Alexander and I, however, both of us appear strong enough to handle the intensity of such moments.

The open analysis we did together benefited at least me, but I think the both of us greatly. We both faced our closed mindedness. I faced my negative judgments of persons in Alexander’s position and of his personality. Alexander faced his negative judgments of those who judge. I learned the beauty of people like Alexander, and he learned the beauty underneath the ignorance people in my position present. Together, we opened each other’s minds to that beauty we refused to see. Perhaps, this is the most beautiful aspect of our mingling of existences and the most unbearable. Growth, even beautiful growth, is not without its pains.

My musings on our time together will be short for now as I learn to balance the great tasks before me. I promise the reader I will strive to increase my capacities to manage these monumental tasks more efficiently. Thank you for your patience.