WHY I DREADED THIS DAY

It was on this day, eleven years back, that I lost my mother to a car accident. Over the years, the wound heals bit by bit, but never will it heal completely. It never can, you know..

I particularly dreaded the 20th of July-2015, because it would mark the completion of 11 years spent without my mother, which is MORE than time I spent with her — a few months short of 11 years.

The fact that I have lived more years without her than with her makes me wary. I’m wary that with age I might lose all of her that I have with me — I’m talking about memories, of course.

I don’t want my heart to forget how she would mollycoddle me on any given day, how she would nurse me when I was sick, how she would laugh at my innocent talks, how she would catch me red-handed on a mischief, how her eyes lit up when she was happy, how she swayed to old hindi music, how she taught me various concepts, how she was game to trying new things (that include walking the ramp for a society function and wearing jeans), how she cooked delicious food for us, how she was a tactful lady, how she was so compassionate, how she had a solution for all my problems, just how she was a wonderful mother!

I wish she was here in these growing days of my life, to teach me to cook, to assist me with my college-going-procedures, to caution me of the harsh realities of life, to give tips on living alone, to discipline me, to prepare me for this world, to scold me for being messy, to just accompany me everywhere. But I can only wish; if wishes were horses, I’d ride them all.

I hate to accept the fact that she was with me for less than half of my life. And what’s worse is that, like how I’ve spent 11 years without her, I might have to spend another 22, 44, or maybe even more.

And while I continue to live without her, I can only hope to cling on to her memories and pray that I imbibe all her qualities, that’s all I can do, you know.. As I’ve said earlier, “I can’t whine, because it’s the wish of the power divine”.

❤ ❤ ❤