I saw a recent TED Talk by Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, in which she described the cultural stigma against introverts. Our schools and work places are structured for the benefit of extroverts who thrive in a group setting, and Susan explained how this hinders an introverts ability to thrive. Like me, introverts need time alone to concentrate on a task, to focus on learning from a book or solving an equation, or to daydream and create. Yet our society is placing a higher value on the behavior of extroverts who show self-confidence in public. There is pressure for introverts to “get over it” and “try harder,” with the mistaken idea that introverts are simply shy and need a little push to get started.
One definition of introverts is that they feel drained by being around other people. For me, I do enjoy being around people but in small batches. I prefer socializing with two or three close friends. If I go to parties, which is rare, I will engage conversation with one person at a time. I won’t be the person shouting out, “Hey everybody!” and organizing a group activity. I don’t enjoy public speaking, so I have not pursued learning that skill.
Why do I shun crowds? Because my natural tendency is to focus 100% attention on the person I am with. I watch body language and listen to everything they say. It takes me a long time to make friends because I am learning their history, their preferences, their pet peeves, and their sense of humor. On the other hand, I am uncomfortable meeting new people because I am not sure of who they are or what their reactions might be until I get to know them. I am most comfortable in groups of people pursuing a common interest because I don’t need to work so hard to figure out what each person might be thinking.
I get easily overwhelmed in crowds where I can’t establish a rapport with each individual. At the grocery store, or walking down the street, I look to each stranger’s face and mannerisms. In creative writing class, we learned a technique called “people watching” where you sit quietly in a public place and make notes of everyone who walks by. You let your imagination go free and make up stories about each person in the scene. Oh, that young woman may be in a hurry to pick up her children from school. Oh, that man is headed to the bank to deposit his paycheck. I think, to some extent, I am always doing this because I am genuinely interested in people and their stories. Another definition of introvert is being “a good listener,” and this is true — I want to listen to everything that everyone has to say. Multiply that by dozens and hundreds, and it becomes overwhelming.
When confronted with the challenge of how to publicize my original epic fantasy novel, I realize that the typical marketing techniques of extroverts are not going to work for me. I don’t spam. I don’t push. I don’t have a sparkling personality that can captivate the attention of a crowd. Conventional sales techniques take years — perhaps a lifetime — to master. But why must I transform? Is there some way to use my skills and strengths as an introvert to be successful in this loud world?
Denise Robarge Tanaka, paralegal by day, creator of epic fantasy worlds
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