Do Women Remember How a Man Looks or What he Says?

How good is your memory?

The answer is, it probably depends. If you asked me what I had for dinner a week last Thursday, I couldn’t remember. But I could tell you in a flash that for breakfast I had three different types of oats all mixed together. I eat that every day. It’s the breakfast of champions, and when I say champions I mean Grand National winners.

Anyway, point is, some facts stick in our memory more easily than others. Either because of repetition or because we’re primed to pay more attention to some things than others.

The same is true of people. When we meet someone for the first time, or go on a first dinner date, we’re on the lookout for cues to compatibility. Is this the right person for us? What is it about them that we find attractive? The most valuable information will be stored away in our long-term memory so that — even after the coffee has been served, the bill paid, and the bowl of mint imperials near the till poured into your handbag — you can continue to contemplate whether it’s worth pursuing a second date.

Terrence Horgan and his colleagues from the University of Michigan decided to test whether our recall for facts about a potential date depend on the type of relationship we’re after. Do women memorise a man’s vital statistics more readily when they’re seeking a one night stand rather than a long-term relationship?

Horgan video recorded a young man of average attractiveness talking about his interests, exercise habits, education, and career aspirations, as well as his background and family. Then he showed this three minute video to 125 straight or bisexual female undergraduate students. Half of the women were asked to consider the man a possible one night stand. The other half were asked to think of him as a potential long-term partner.

Afterwards each woman was tested for what she could remember about the man in the video. Where did he grow up? What was his body type? How much money was he likely to earn? Did he have hairy arms? What did he study at university? Was his chin pointy or broad?

As you might have noticed, the questions could be split into two groups. There were questions about the man’s physical appearance and questions about things he had said. The women received two percentage scores, reflecting their memory for the man’s physical features and verbal statements. If they remembered everything correctly, they would score 100% on both tests.

So, how good were the women’s memories?

On average, the women correctly answered 73% of the questions about the man’s appearance, but only 66% of the questions about what he had said. This difference is probably down to the fact that the man’s appearance was on screen for the whole three minutes, so women had more time to take in information about appearance than each of his verbal statements.

But what if we compare the women who judged the man’s attractiveness for a fling with the women who instead judged him as a long-term partner?

Women in the fling group remembered the man’s appearance more accurately than women in the long-term relationship group. The women in the fling group were correct about the man’s appearance 75% of the time, whilst women in the long-term group were right 70% of the time. The groups of women also differed in their memory for the man’s verbal statements. This time the tables were turned: women in the fling group scored on average of 64%, a score 4% lower than women in the long-term group.

So, when women are sizing a man up for a long-term relationship, they seem to pay more attention to his verbal statements. And when women are instead considering a chap for a one night stand, they memorize more facts about his appearance.

This difference makes perfect sense, because we know from past research that women value physical attractiveness in short-term relationship partners, but they’re more forgiving of a wonky nose or a pigeon chest in a marriage partner. When a woman judges a man for a long-term relationship, however, she cares more about his ambition, earning potential, and personality. After all, nobody wants to share their entire life with a loser. A loser with washboard abs, however, might be worth a fumble.

And I think we’ve just solved the mystery of Chris Pratt’s success. The star of Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic World played a lazy couch-potato in Parks and Recreation, but who cares? His body looks like a relief map of the Rocky Mountains. Sure, no woman in her right mind would want Pratt to camp out in her living room, eating crisps and playing X-Box. But a quickie in between velociraptor attacks? Clever girl.

Horgan, T. G., Broadbent, J., McKibbin, W. F., & Duehring, A. J. (in press). Show versus tell? The effects of mating context on women’s memory for a man’s physical features and verbal statements. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Read summary

For an audio version of this story, see the 11 August 2015 episode of The Psychology of Attractiveness Podcast.