Straight Man Seeks… Who?
New research suggests that straight men may be more flexible in their mate preferences than previously thought.
In recent years there has been a growing trend for sexuality to be seen as a spectrum rather than as a collection of discrete identities such as straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. The idea that sexual orientation can be fluid — changing over time — has also caught hold. Many people now choose to adopt a broad identity, such as queer, rather than pin themselves down to a specific group.
Of course, straight is the majority identity, adopted by those who prefer partners whose gender doesn’t match their own. In a world where sexuality can be all the colors of the rainbow, and where gender identity is flexible, the label “straight” can seem, well… concrete. Everyone knows what it is. Everyone knows what it means.
New research, however, suggests that the truth is somewhat different.
Desire and behavior are not the same as identity. A person can identify as straight but still desire or engage in sexual contact with persons of the same gender. They can still desire a partner who isn’t necessarily straight.
Arielle Kuperberg of The University of North Caroline and Alicia Walker of Missouri State University decided to investigate the experiences of college students who identified as straight but whose most recent sexual encounter was with a person of the same gender. How many straight students hook up with a same-gender partner? If they really feel they’re straight, how can we explain these encounters?
The scientists analyzed data collected as part of the Online College Social Life Survey (2005–2011), which includes the responses of over 24,000 American students. Of those, around 800 reported that their most recent hookup partner was the same gender. Volunteers also reported their sexual orientation: 12% of those who had engaged in male-male hookups, and 25% of those who had engaged in female-female hookups, identified as straight.
The volunteers answered other questions about the hookup and about their lives in general.
Kuperberg and Walker analyzed the data and concluded that there were six “classes” or types of person who identified as straight but whose most recent hookup was with a same sex partner.
- The largest group (29%) reported enjoying the encounter, and were the most likely to have experienced previous same-gender hookups. More than half wanted to enter in a longer term relationship with their partner. Therefore Kuperberg and Walker call this class “wanting more”.
- The second largest group (22%) was most likely to have never previously met their partner. They tended to be socially liberal and over 70% reported binge drinking prior to the encounter. This class, which was split on whether they had enjoyed the hookup, was labeled “drunk and curious”.
- The third largest group (21%) included only women. Almost all of these encounters took place in public and none included genital contact. The members of this group were the most likely to have been drinking before the encounter, and were unlikely to desire future same-gender relationships. Kuperberg and Walker call this class “maybe for show”, because they believe these women could be enacting a “social script” that encourages performative bisexuality for the arousal of male peers.
- The next class was labeled “loved it but religious” and comprised about 12% of the volunteers, almost all women. They were the people most likely to attend regular religious services, and over half reported that their religious views influenced their opinions about sex. However, members of this class were the most likely to report that they had enjoyed their same-gender hookup and to want to pursue it further.
- The fifth group (9%) was labeled “little enjoyment”: three fifths of the students in this group reported not enjoying the hookup. Mostly politically centrist, the members of this class all knew their partners before the encounter, which was unlikely to have progressed beyond kissing.
- The smallest class (7%) was labeled “just not who I can be”. Like the “loved it but religious” class, the members of this class regularly attended services. However, almost all were male. Politically conservative, almost all members believed that same-gender sexual contact is wrong, and reported enjoying the hookup only moderately.
It’s important to note that the results of this study are unlikely to be representative of the general population. As the researchers point out, the volunteers were all students, and the majority were enrolled on sociology courses with gender and sexuality components, perhaps leading to an over-representation of persons who are questioning their sexual identity. The number of volunteers was also relatively small, especially when broken down into classes, although this is perhaps inevitable given that the most recent hookup partner of the majority of heterosexually identifying persons will not have been of the same-gender.
Nevertheless, this study does reveal the varied motivations and experiences of those who self-identify as straight but engage in sexual behavior with persons of the same-gender. Some are likely to be enacting social scripts and conforming to expected behavior. Others are likely to be exploring their sexuality and are either unwilling to adjust their identity to match their behavior, or feel that that their behavior does not fit within their identity. It is especially interesting to see that the effect of religion appears to be gendered, with religious men less likely to report enjoying their same-gender hookup than religious women.
Kuperberg and Walker were also able to explode several myths. For example, it has been suggested that Black men are more likely to identify as straight but secretly hookup with other men, and research has often focused on this group. This new study reveals that, at least among college students, White men are more likely than Black or Asian men to combine a straight identity with same-gender hookups. Also, some researchers have suggested that fraternity hazing or sexual coercion might be associated with same-sex encounters among heterosexually identifying students: this did not appear to be the case. It is also clear that the majority of these students are unlikely to be “closeted” or secretly gay: some will no doubt transition to a gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity; others will continue to identify as straight.
Further research that tracks college students as they move into the next phase of their lives is likely to be revealing, as are follow up studies of today’s cohort of college students, many of whom have grown up in a world where same-gender relationships are increasingly acceptable.
One of the most interesting of the six classes identified by Kuperberg and Walker is the “maybe for show” class. These women are unique in that their same-gender sexual behavior appears not to be motivated by desire but by the belief that men are turned on by witnessing female-female sexual contact.
But is this belief correct?
Menelaos Apostelou of the University of Nicosia in Cyprus, Yan Wang of Fudan University in Shanghai, and Jiaqing O of Aberystwyth University in Wales ran a series of studies to find out.
They asked straight-identifying men and women in China and the UK whether they would prefer a partner who is attracted to — or who actually has sex with — persons of the same gender.
Around 87% of Chinese men and women, and 74% of British women, desired a long-term partner who was attracted exclusively to members of the opposite gender; the number for British men was much lower — 56%. The remainder of the volunteers desired a partner who was at least partially attracted to same-gender partners.
When judging preferences for a short-term partner, most people were more flexible: around 78% of Chinese men and women wanted an exclusively heterosexual partner, while among British women the number was 57% and, among British men, 37%. In fact, most British men (52%) said that they would prefer a fling with a woman who was occasionally attracted to other women.
Is this purely a fantasy, or do people really want their partners to act on these same-gender desires? Here, the Chinese and British volunteers were in greater agreement: around 81% of Chinese and British men said they wanted their long-term partners to never have sex with other women; the number was higher for women — around 93–96%. Again, everyone was more flexible when it came to short-term partners, but the women less so than the men: around 90% of women never wanted a fling with a man who had sex with other men, while 79% of Chinese men never wanted a fling with a woman who had sex with other women, and for British men the number was as low as 71%. A quarter of British men actively desired a hookup with a woman who occasionally had sex with other women.
A further study revealed that the preferences of Greek-Cypriot men and women fell somewhere between those of the Chinese and British volunteers. The researchers speculate that the differences between the three groups may be due to a greater emphasis on the importance of traditional family roles in China, which some may feel are threatened by same-gender attraction, and the greater religiosity of Greek-Cypriots compared to British people.
But why the gender difference? Why are men, and especially British men, more likely to be drawn to a partner who is attracted to other women?
One possible answer could be provided by evolutionary theory. All women who give birth can be certain that their offspring are theirs. Men, however, do not enjoy complete “paternity certainty”: if their partners slept with another man before conceiving, there could very well be a metaphorical cuckoo in the nest. This might be why men, more so than women, tend to be sexually jealous and to find the prospect of a partner’s sexually infidelity to be especially distressing (most, but not all, women are more distressed by the idea that their partner will fall in love with someone else).
Of course, if a woman is attracted to other women, her dalliances won’t lead to her falling pregnant with someone else’s child. A man, however, can just as easily fall in love with another woman or another man. This might be why men seem to be more relaxed about having a bisexual partner than women are.
The greater desire for exclusively straight partners for a long-term relationship is probably explained by a greater concern that bisexual partners will seek another partner — not a huge concern if the relationship is only a fling. Men, who may find sexual promiscuity attractive in a short-term partner but not in a marriage prospect, may see female-female desire as indicative of a heightened interest in sex generally, without the complicating involvement of a rival male.
Apostelou, M., Wang, Y., & O, J. (2018). Do men prefer women who are attracted to women? A cross-cultural evolutionary investigation. Personality and Individual Differences, 135, 31–39. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2018.06.052
Kuperberg, A., & Walker, A. (2018). Heterosexual college students who hookup with same-sex partners. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(5), 1387–1403. doi:10.1007/s10508–018–1194–7