A Quick Thought Experiment for Those in a Relationship.
Try this with me, please… Let’s work together with a super quick thought experiment. What I would like to ask you to do, is to think not about the question “What does he or she want?” yet rather that you ask your partner, mate, or interest this question: “What do you think I want?” and then give them lots of space and time to answer. There is the warning, though, that asking this question may open up an entirely different answer than what you expect or even what you really want.
The question is meant to help gain clarity and insight into how the other person views you. If the person is willing to give you an answer, please don’t try to fault or judge the other person. This is not to find the other right or wrong, it is to awaken you to what the other person really does think you want. The answer will hopefully show you what the person believes about you and what you value.
A lot of people feel or think that they are not understood. Often we may tell people what we want or what we mean and sometimes that doesn’t get through to them. The intent of the question is to find out how you are understood by them.
This too is not a field dependent question; it is not for them to tell you who you are. If they are willing to answer the question there may be points and ideas that are true as well as some that are not. Asking can give you a good read on the person and their opinion of you. It may be best to give the person a lot of opportunity to answer without interrupting them. If you’re in this relationship with them, there will be time for you to respond in the future.
A lot of people may think or feel unappreciated or undervalued. Some people may feel or think they have continuously told the other what they want and that it’s not getting through to them. These two things may absolutely be the case. The idea to ask the question “What do you think I want?” may be a scary one to ask because you may be afraid of the answer. Some people may think they ‘know’ what the other person will say and may be concerned of the honest answer.
How accurate will they be in their answer? Do you think that they will be spot on and know exactly what your wants are? Some people think or feel they are misunderstood and they very well may be entirely correct. You may understand them fully and all that they want. You may know all their nitty-gritty details and why they do what they do, though are you understood by them?
The question also is different than the question “Who do you think I am?”. That is a different question that may be dangerous to ask depending how accurate you correlate their answer. In one way, it may be exceptionally elucidating to hear the answer and find parts of yourself that are amazing that you don’t see for yourself. I think of how some people that have low self-esteem may be baffled by another having a positive view of them.
I also know from experience that it’s dangerous for another to tell us who we are. Some people may have skewed or untrue beliefs about us. Telling them that they are wrong in their belief may not hold any merit depending on who it is and may deepen resentment. Though, I did say that the first question should be asked to your mate, partner, or interest.
Hopefully, you have chosen well.